A Journey Dismantled

South Sudan Taught Me How To Love.

2012-02-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

A Story about one of the most impacting lessons and experiences from my 4 week time in South Sudan.

** WARNING: This videos gets a little messy towards the end. Watch at your own discretion :)

Africa Overview

2012-02-03T14:01:00.000-08:00

A peek.

2011-09-23T14:09:00.001-07:00

Well... Here it is. Thirty more minutes in the Dulles airport then my crew of 9 students and a co leader board a plane to Belgium, then to Ethiopia, then finally on to Uganda. We arrive sometime Saturday evening and have been invited to speak at the morning and evening services of a church in Kampala the following morning. Nothing like hitting the ground running, and we can't wait! Monday will be full of adventures as we work on getting our visas for S. Sudan then plan to catch an overnight bus up and into the country. One of our contacts will met us at the boarder of Uganda and S. Sudan and travel up with us to Juba where we will catch a flight to Wau, the city we'll be spending the next 5 weeks in. Amazing. It's really really happening, after all the planning and preparation over the last three months we are now just a few plane rides away. More updates will come based on internet availability so stay tuned :). Initially our contacts in S. Sudan have set up opportunities in schools in the area, a prison ministry, speaking in local churches and potentially government offices. My heart is beginning to burn for the people in these places and the chance of a life time where regardless of our backgrounds our lives will come together in unimaginable ways. Somewhere around the end of October we will catch a bus back down to Uganda and spend the remainder of our time at the YWAM base in Arua. Flying back to the states December 10th. I hope to update regularly, but if not here's a peak into what we will be up to. Blessings and thanks for all the prayers and support! Here we go!

For Kari.

2011-09-23T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on a plane, the first of 6 I will be on over the course of the next few days, feasting my ears on Coldplay's new single "Paradise" and letting my mind wander.

By Saturday these sun kissed feet of mine will be walking on African soil for the first time in their history on this earth. Africa. It all still feels so surreal...

It's wild to me that my first steps will be in the country of Uganda. I remember first really hearing about Uganda years ago when my younger sister, Kari, began supporting a non-profit called Invisible Children and their longing to counter act the monstrosity of children of all ages being kidnapped, brainwashed and forced to fight in wars they could hardly explain if asked. Her heart for the bruised and broken hearted blew me away. For some time Kari dreamed about interning with this organization, and one day traveling to Africa herself. And while her heart still burns for those things the Lord has lead her life down a different path, atleast for the time being...

So, as I sit here thinking about all this, the past leading up to this point, and the future potential of what these next 3 months hold, I can't help but feel like I've robbed her of something, or maybe more like I've stolen something from her. Stolen her African dream. But then, as I think back on this last year of staffing with YWAM, I am reminded of something very special.... It is only when we close ourselves off to others that our dreams are "our" dreams. But when we open our hearts up they become so so much more. Dreams within the context of family, be it biological or relational, and community, powerfully move from "our" to "each others." And the best part is people begin riding the wings of each other's dreams not because they lack of their own, but because they so love and believe in one another they willingly lay down their own dream to take up the dream of their friend or family members. Sounds a lot like something Jesus would do, and I love that.

So now, instead of sitting here thinking I've stolen something, I am realizing that I actually am becoming part of something. I am becoming part of my sister's dream to see a nation changed, to see hope restored, to see life renewed and justice restored.

I know I don't know all, or maybe even any, of the answers and can't bring in solutions to Africa's problems, but I can testify of someone who does and can. Someone who goes before me, alongside me and long after me. What a hopeful revelation when we realize we aren't on our own, when we realize someone has come alongside us and that we no longer walk alone.... Hmmm.

Ok, enough with the rambles. To my sister. To Kari. I want you to know that I will always walk with you and for you, and as I take steps through Africa over these next months I will walk on behalf of you and in support of you. I believe in the dreams God has placed in your heart, and hope to be a part of them whenever I can. I feel blessed beyond words to know that I am about to walk into not only your dream, but God's...

"into the stormy night she flies, dreaming para-para-paradise..." -- Coldplay "Paradise"

I need your help.

2011-08-22T03:20:00.000-07:00

I had a dream.

2011-08-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months I’ve been led into a very essential revelation. There are some lies I’ve let seep sneakily into my life. Worst part isn’t the seeping, it’s that I actually “cleaned” them up and began to carry them along with me wherever I went. After spending some time pondering this dilemma I have come to one essential conclusion. I. Am. Over. It.

I am done carrying those lies. I’m done believing them, letting them influence who I am and how I live my life. I am done. Hooray! So, here friends are some of those nasty little fellas and how I’ve been working to overcome them.

LIE #1 : “I can’t paint because I’m not “good” at it.” Blasted that one out of the water a few weeks ago with some cardboard I swiped from an old dumpster accompanied by cheap paint from Walmart. Here's the tree I cut out, AND painted, to decorate my wall :)

LIE #2 : "I am not a 'creative writer.'" Check out the blog I posted on June 5, 2011 to see how I wrestled that one down to the ground.

LIE #3 : “I am not a dreamer. I don’t have any dreams about my future.” This one is HUGE, and I had no idea how greatly it loomed over me, until last night. Let me explain...

I sat lazily on the couch in the living of my apartment soaking up the glory of a quiet Saturday night. A new friend from London, sat on the couch to my left, and another new friend, from Canada, sat on the floor in front of me gingerly painting her nails. “I want to know your story,” she said. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for so I ask for some clarification, and upon receiving that I proceeded to share a bit about my personal background and family.

“Ok... so, where do you see yourself in three years... Married, kids, in a specific ministry, or certain nation?” she excitedly asked. That question made me stop. It always does. For so long I’ve lived under a 3-6 month policy, with one eight month exception mixed in there for some extra flavor. Up until a year ago my future “plans” were usually limited to the number of fingers of my hands, each on representing a month, not year. Then YWAM (Youth with a Mission – http://www.uofnkona.edu/) hit me and I found myself scribbling down “2 years” in the commitment section of an application (which, a year ago seemed like a big, big deal). So, as I sat there thinking about how to respond, something began to stir inside me. My mind brought back to some wandering thoughts I'd had earlier that morning, and earlier this week. “Well, it’s doesn’t really have to do with anything I’m doing right now, and it’s a bit random... but really love music. I have no talent, but I love music. For years I've thought it would be amazing to go on tour or manage/promote a band. And, along with that I’ve been thinking about how I wish I would have picked up an instrument years ago... This week especially the desire’s came up to learn to play the guitar. So yea....” They both looked and me and almost simultaneously asked, “And you think it’s too late for that?” I laid my head on the back of the couch and felt this foreign rush of emotions rise up in me as the words, “Yea, kinda...” left my lips. I was pretty sure tears were soon to follow. “It’s never too late for something like that.” Those eight words gifted so pure and genuinely to me activated something in my heart. It felt as if a key turned in my heart and a door long hidden, and forgotten, began to open. A fresh excitement starting swirling deep inside me.

It seems like such a small thing and I can hardly describe it in words, but a dream was released last night, the first in a long long time, and so many more have already taken flight along with it. I have no idea where this will go, and I do understand learning guitar isn’t easy. But if this is what it takes to awaken more dreams, and open more doors in my heart, I am all for it. So, that being said in 2.5 hours I have my first guitar lesson. Which leads me to share another a lie I realized I was living.

LIE #4: “I am a passive person.” I can be mellow yes, but passive no longer. I’m working on shattering this lie by a.) actually beginning to learn guitar, not just talk about it b.) committing to it in writing and in public, meaning I am now accountable to others, and therefore must share my journey.

So exciting! One final thing to leave you with... This morning I was sharing with a friend about this dreaming business and this Priscilla Ahn song came on the Pandora station I was listening to. I haven’t heard any of her music before, but this song hit me, especially since right after I shared my "dream" with another friend these lyrics flowed into my ears, “ I had a dream, that I could fly from the highest swing. I had a dream.” Bam. Here's the video and below are the lyrics for it, I hope it inspires you like it did me :)

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

Magnify

2011-07-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a bit about one of the key revelations God gave me during my time in Amsterdam :)

July Update

2011-07-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

I've got a testimony

2011-07-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Hey friends! Our first week of discipleship training school (DTS) has already flown by. It was a powerful week where each of our staff members shared their stories and a bit of the background from their spiritual journeys! Oh man, it was an amazing time of hearing testament after testament of the loving goodness of God and his faithfulness in each persons life. And one of the best parts is that all of these testimonies were recorded and are currently online for you to listen to right now! I encourage you to check them out. Here's the link to our staff page so you can put faces with names of >>> The Awaken Crew and become more familiar with my staff family :) If you would like to hear mine and what God laid on my heart to share you can hit >>> "Staff Testimonies : Day Two" - I am the second to last to share after a guy named Chris, and before a guy named Cody :)

Even greater news! All of our lectures for this upcoming Discipleship Training School will be recorded and put online for you to listen too! This is a fabulous way to stay connected with what I'm up to and join in on the teachings with us. So great :) If you are interested you can listen by one of two ways...

1) Heading over to our Awaken DTS page and checking out the podcast section http://www.awakendts.com/ (http://www.awakendts.com/podcasts/)

or

2) subscribing (for free!) to our podcasts through iTunes. You can type Awaken DTS in the search bar and it brings it right up!

I would love to hear feedback from you all and am excited to have you all on board with me more and more each day!

Benches.

2011-06-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

Here is my first attempt at creative writing :) but first a little background. A couple months ago, on our trip through the US, we (5 of my fellow YWAM staff members and I) passed through Sophia, North Carolina and were privileged enough to spend a few hours with the Helser family (http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/). As short as it may have been, just one night, our time with them left a lasting impression on my mind and heart. The morning we left they, Jonathan and Melissa Helser, took time to share about their 18inchjourney, one of the programs taking place on the 52 acres of beautiful backwoods land we’d stayed on. Their website describes it as “a school like no other, designed to unlock the greatness God has deposited inside you,” and explains part of its creative vision as “A forage into the unknown depths of your own heart as you engage artistic expressions that will push you, challenge you, and draw you out. Pursue your art with hands on experience in photography, writing, music, and poetry; explore new spaces in the recording studio, darkroom, and art studio. Embrace an exploration of creativity the will unlock the rivers of sounds, colors, melodies, rhythms, and creativity deposited inside your heart.” There is so much more I could say about this time, but I’ve already written one previous post about pieces of it... All I will say now is that during one of my afternoons in Amsterdam I went outside to journal and collect my thoughts. I was so overwhelmed and aware, in a positive way, of everything going on around me. So many sounds, smells, feelings and things to see in one small area. As I sat, trying to take it all in, I was reminded of our time with the Helsers and their challenge to each us to explore the depths of our hearts, through language, through arts, through music, through whatever means we could think of. Explore for the sake of exploring. Allow the heart to be stimulated in ways beyond what we are used to, or comfortable with. Explore with expression of the heart your guide and motivator, rather than the pressure to produce a finished or people pleasing product. Explore the God given creativity deposited in the depths of each one of our hearts.

Let’s get personal. Yes, I majored in English. I love reading and writing, papers. I’ll write a paper and develop an argument to support whatever topic you give me, not matter how ridiculous. Seriously. But creative writing? Writing “that goes outside the bounds of normal professional, journalistic, academic, and technical forms of literature” (thank you Wikipedia for that definition...). Nope. “I don’t have that kind of imagination,” is what I found myself too often saying... Never before had I even dared journeying upon that road. Until now... I'm on a mission to redeem my imagination and creativity and so friends, it is without any further adieu, I share the first of what I hope to be one of many steps taken as I begin my own 18 inch journey, this time from my heart to this page.

I encourage you to delve deeper and access areas of your own heart previous left untouched. Forget about not being creative, imaginative, or talented enough. Close your mouth and open your heart. Forget what other people might say or think. Close out those voice and tune in His. Allow God to release the things he longs for you to embrace. He is the creator, meaning he is creative. And we were created in his likeness, meaning we also have to ability, given by God, to create. So, let’s get to it :)

Benches.

A man sits on a park bench to the right of me. Loyalty divided between a cigarette and the mouth piece of his telephone. I wonder, if given the right to choose, which of these two his lips would pledge their allegiance to.

Empty wine glasses dance together as a waiter collects them from a now deserted table.

I sit on a park bench underneath a tall and slender tree. Its leaves verdantly boast over me of youth and life, proclaiming newness known only through the changing of seasons.

Voices unified in laugher lift themselves high into the air from the patio of the corner cafe.

A woman now sits on the park bench to the right of me. Off to the side, and away from most wondering eyes, with feet crossed tenderly before her. ....

Rhythmic streams flow from the mouthpiece of a trumpet carving paths amidst the hum of a Saturday afternoon.

A musician strolls confidently through the crowd. A birthday song for one, a marching tune for another. A small cup sits openly in his hand. Will you give? A talent like this cannot go unrewarded. Please.

The woman now sits in the park bench in front of me. Something drew her in, quietly pulling her from side to center. What must she see in this place?

Her eyes are turned down. An empty gaze fixes on the pavement before her. What moves behind those hollow eyes?

Hands loosely grip the small juice carton resting in her lap.

Fingers tap one, two, three times along the carton’s edge; taps too light for ears to hear, but loud enough to speak of unrest. What must she feel in this place?

The woman’s left hand moves gingerly up towards her face. A marriage vow to reveals itself. Fingers unite to adjust the scarf slipping below her chin unannounced. Up again her eyes wander, and lock on something in the distance. For just one moment she seems to lose herself in thought. What must she think of in this place?

Movement. The woman finds herself again. Legs exchange short strides as an instrument is lowered and the musician takes his leave. Worn trumpet in hand, he makes his way from the crowd and towards the park benches, towards the woman. Eyes lock.

Coins jingle in chorus with the casual procession of the musician’s feet.

The woman raises her head to fully meet the musician’s gaze.

I raise my head to fully meet this moment. My curiosity grows as the distance between them shrinks.

Shiny round faces catch the light of the setting sun as coins move from the hand of one to the hand of another. From the pocket to the purse. From the musician to the woman. A brief exchange, with minimal words passes between the two. Opening his backpack, in and away goes the trumpet. Standing with the musician, up and away goes the woman.

A marriage vow reveals itself.

* This came from what I was seeing and hearing around me as I journaled outside our building in Amsterdam. I had noticied this woman sitting alone and a street musican entertaining the people who were eating at the street cafe on the corner. But I had no idea there was a connection with the two until the end when he gave her his earnings and they walked off together. I had started writing about each one seperately then came to find our they were associated with each other in the end . It was a very exciting and encouraging surprise for me, and my pen, and made me wonder how many other things around me are often associated, but I never pay attention long enough to see it. :)

Why Amsterdam

2011-05-13T13:53:00.000-07:00

Eli, Hales and I, live (at the time) from Amsterdam! Three things you should know about Amsterdam and a bit of an explanation on why we chose to spend the month of May together in this city. :)

** props to Andrew York for filming this for us :)

Longing Heart : Amsterdam wk 1

2011-04-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

All my soul is pleading for.

It's been three days since we first set foot in Amsterdam, and our bodies are still associating too closely for my liking with jet lag. I remember hearing somewhere that you should expect one day for every hour of difference in time before you may, or may not, pass over the mountain that is irregular sleep. So for us that means seven days... Almost there.

Each day we've chosen a destination and ventured out into the city. Day one took us to a cafe started by YWAM years back, day two the kitchen we'll use should we get ambitious beyond the realms of microwave or toaster oven. And today, day three, led us towards The Tabernacle, YWAM Amsterdam's prayer room quietly nestled a street over from the heart of the Red Light District.

We had plans to meet a friend of Eli's, who lives above the prayer room, for dinner and left early enough to give us plenty of time. We anticipated it would be a good little walk from where we were staying, but we didn't anticipate getting lost and ending up in right in the middle of the Red Light district. My eyes have never become as accustomed with the ground as they did today. It's interesting, no matter what you hear, nothing can prepare you for what you see. I find it hard to know how to respond to an experience like today. It seemed strangely easy to disconnect myself.

Amidst the weight of shock, confusion, and brokenness there is an surrealism that surrounds the fact that this is "life" for so many people. Whether it be women advertising themselves in the windows or the a running the Marijuana store around the corner. This is normal. This is "another day at the office." This is life.

In between figuring out where we needed to go, and trying to keep my eyes directed away from as much as possible, I remember reaching into my purse to check my phone for the time. As I pulled it from my bag music was softly playing. Some time along the way, although it was locked, shuffle had begun and random songs were coming together to make a playlist of their own. I pushed pause, made a mental note of what song it had last been on (wanting to go back later and listen to it,) curious as whether it would apply somehow to that moment in the Red Light District. Then I gingerly tucked it away in the side pocket where it had been before.

After over an hour and a half of hunting we found our destination and spent the next few hours eating homemade Thai food, Dutch sweets and learning to play Dutch blitz. Cultures seemed to came together well tonight.

After spending most of the evening with Eli's friend we made our way back to the base in about a fourth of the time it took us to get there. Rain had just started tapping its presence against our window as walked up four flights of stairs and finally to our room. When I pulled out my phone I was reminded of the song, still on hold, from when we'd made our way out of one of that well-known sinister area of Amsterdam. The song was one I don't think I've ever listened too, even thoughI own it... Jeremy Camp's "Longing Heart" from his Carried Me worship album.

“What can separate us
From the love of Jesus Christ
Nothing this world can even change
The thought I once was lost
But now been given grace
It's a mystery that I will not chase

                                          you, you, you, all this heart is longing for
                                           Jesus, you are all my soul is pleading for

                                                                                       What can separate us
                                                                                       From the love of Jesus Christ
                                                                      Nothing in this world can even change
                                                                                       The thought I once was lost
                                                                                        But now been given grace
                                                                                        It's a mystery I will not chase

                                             I don't understand it
                                      How you love the way you do
                     Even when I've fallen
                                                   You always lift me up to you.”

As I listen to these lyrics I wonder if any of the people I passed tonight ever imagined life bringing them to this place. I wonder how many dreams were lost here, how many lives stolen, hopes dashed, and hearts deceived. But, I also am left wondering at the amazing Love of God. I wonder at the way He sees each person who works in or passes through the Red Light Disctrict just as He sees me. I wonder at how His love runs as deep for them as it does for me, and nothing can hide or separate them from that love. Oh, that one day they would know that love. His Love.

And oh, that one day I could learn to carry that Love. To carry His Love.

Redding, CA. Baptism

2011-04-28T06:51:00.000-07:00

Bethel Church. A wild and crazy, joy-filled place, completely off my radar until last June that is, when I came on staff with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). This was the second to last stop on our road trip across the US. Many people I’ve met over the last year in Kona have either read book by or listen to podcasts from Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson (pastors at Bethel), been through their internship or classes, or attended a weekend service. So, it is safe to say that even though it was fairly “new” in my world a lot had been built up about it. There were tales of miraculous healings and outbursts of joyous laughter than lasted for extended periods of time. When it came down to it, none of us knew what would be waiting for us when we got there, and baptisms were perhaps one of the last things I was expecting.

I was baptized as an infant by my grandfather LeRoy, a Lutheran Pastor whose parents emigrated from Norway when he was a small child. I had friends who were baptized in their “later” years, but beyond these two instances I, myself, had not put much thought into baptism really at all. It wasn’t that I was against either in any way. I supposed I just didn’t understand baptism well enough to create much of an opinion. More recently I’ve had friends share about it being a “public declaration” of faith and commitment to Jesus. Which is a very cool thing, but when Jesus is baptized in Matthew 3 He doesn’t any sort of declaration. Rather, when John questions why he came to him to be baptized, rather than the other way around, Jesus responds with, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness” (v. 15b). So that makes me wonder if there is more to baptism than “salvation” or “declarations of faith.” Another interesting thing about Jesus’ baptism is once he comes up out of the water “heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lightning upon him” (v. 16b). Notice how it says “like and dove” and not “as a dove.” Interesting. For some reason I always pictured a dove landing on his shoulder... probably attributed to the Flying House or Super Book cartoons I watched growing up.... How amazing that Jesus talks about righteousness before he is baptized and after He is baptized he sees HEAVEN OPEN UP! WHAT!? “Um yes, I would like to be baptized please, thank you.” Yes, I definitely think there is more to being baptized that we can even know.

A few days before we arrived in Redding I mentioned something to my friend Andrew about baptism and how I since being an adult had not, but was starting to feel like maybe I should... We got into Redding on a Friday, and went to one of the services at Bethel that following evening. And wouldn’t you know it, before the service an announcement about baptisms flashed across the screen. As we walked back to our van after the service Andrew asked if I wanted to do it, and I suddenly felt all nervous about saying yes, but said yes anyway. So, it was with that same apprehension and nervousness that I stepped into a large empty chair lined room a few minutes before 5 pm on Sunday, April 10th, our last night in Redding. One of Bethel’s requirements for baptisms is an hour long informational class to help educate people more the act and meaning behind it. I sat down off to the side and slowly others began trickling in with a change of clothes in one arm and a towel in the other. It was reassuring to know I wasn’t alone. Surprisingly, the nervousness didn’t leave as the people came, perhaps because I didn’t know anyone of them. But, as I think back it was actually was a good thing, a humbling thing. I realized it’s good every now and then to feel like the “new guy” and a little unsure of yourself. I think it helps our ability to relate to others when they step into that place and we’ve stepped out of it. The class was good, helpful and freeing, and no one told me they were “worried about my salvation because I had not been baptized” (insert scene from Nacho Libre here). Publicly declaring your membership in the Kingdom of heaven, symbolically dying to death (the old life) and rising to life (new life), in Christ were a couple of the reasons they shared behind importance of baptism along with receiving the Holy Spirit. They sent around a baptism signup sheet and we all lined up along the stairs leading to the stage in the sanctuary. The sanctuary. A room filled with over 500 people. I new 6 of them. Intimidated would be an minor understatement.
As I stood on the top of the stairs, waiting to set foot on the stage before a sea of unknown faces, I remembered my heavenly Father. I remembered who I stand before first and foremost, my God and only my God. Then I got all excited, which may have been partially attributed to the thumping Rocky style music being played by the band, and stepped up with joy, excited to be the first baptized before this crowd of witnesses.

I stepped onto the stage and into the baptismal hot tub :), kneeled down and left the old behind to take on the new ahead. Coming out of the water was the most amazing feeling. Every part of me felt relaxed, and I had the most overwhelming sense of peace surround me. As I came out of the water my ears met the sounds of hundreds of fellow believers clapping and cheering me on. Regardless of all my initial nervousness I woudn’t have had it any other way.

Bethel was the last church we visited on our US road trip and I feel so blessed to have been able to share this piece of my life with this place.

Kansas City, MO. Practicing Perseverance

2011-04-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

I was flipping through a note book of mine the other day and came across two pages scribbled with purple ink I written late one night in Kansas City, Missouri. I'd forgotten about them until now. I do have a journal that I am trying to be more faithful in using, but for whatever reason a couple sheets of college ruled paper seemed to suit me better this night. We spent four nights in KC, three of which I felt led to spend in the IHOP prayer room. For three nights I laid down something very dear to me, my sleep, and picked up something very dear to the Lord, spending intentional time in His presence. I've been wanting to develop in the area of perseverance and this was a great way for me to start. Here are some of my thoughts from night two.

Practicing Perseverance

“It is by the grace of God that I got through this last hour. 3:06 am on what is now Thursday, March 10th. This is the second night, of what I feel will be three nights, in the prayer room at IHOP Kansas City. Last night Haley and I were in here from 8:45 pm to 5 am. It started as somewhat of a joke, “We should just go to the prayer room and stay there all night!” [We had a meeting with a man, Bob Hartley, the following morning at 6:45 am, which is pretty early, and decided we should just pull an all nighter than go...].

I had planned to sleep in the afternoon to prepare for night two. Unfortunately, for a few different reasons, that didn’t go quite as expected. A 45 minute nap was all I managed to get in before more meetings and round two. It wasn’t until 10:45 pm that I got in here. But oh man was I feeling it by 1 am. “There is no way I can make it to 5 am.” Somehow, between a few bathroom runs, an outing outside in 35 degree weather, and eating an apple in an attempt to shake the sleepiness off of me, I made it to 2 am. Truth be known I dozed off a few times along the way... Not sure what that looked like, but hopefully I managed to keep my saliva in this time as opposed to other times when I apparently felt the need to share it with the rest of the world around me.

After waking up for the 5th or 6th time I was feeling pretty defeated and convinced I could not make it through the next two hours. “Just go back, get a couple of extra sleep and go at it again tomorrow night.” As I continued to wrestle with what to do I heard to word “perseverance” leave the lips of one of the singers, followed closely by “Grace to follow through... when I set my heart to obey, meet me with grace” and “helper, help me.” Haha, at first I thought “helper” was “help her” and then I was really about to explode. It may not have been “help her” but it did help me.

The time is now 4:21 and I am reminded of God’s extravagant love and the worthiness of the lamb that was slain. After this, I am beginning to believe more and more that if God calls you to do something He will give you the grace to do it. It may not be easy, but He will make a way. He is a gentle helper who cares more about my cause than I do.”

Those three days were pretty amazing, and tiring ;) But so good. If you’re unfamiliar with IHOP or their 24/7 prayer room (IHOP = International House of Prayer, not pancakes;) you can check out their online live stream that runs all day every day at: (http://www.ihop.org/Articles/1000058181/The_Prayer_Room.aspx ).

*** Also, if you want to hear more about this week in Kansas City you can follow this link have a listen to me share more about it. It was definitely a highlight week for me with too much to fit into one blog. The video’s a little long but it’s a cool way for me to literally tell you about what God did that week. So, for whoever’s interested here’s the link :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVFhxY8pZ_c If you watch it, thanks :) if you don’t, hey, it's ok! :)

Winston-Salem, NC. Redefining Father

2011-03-25T08:04:00.000-07:00

“What do you see happening in the church over the next five years?” is a question Andrew, our friend and leader, often leads out with during the meetings on this trip. So, when he presented it to Matt Peterson back on that fateful day in February of 2011 it wasn’t the question, but the response which followed that struck me. And by struck I mean stuck. And by stuck I mean stick. And by stick I mean it’s been over a month and I’m still “chewing” on it. Awww yeeeas.

Our crew sat outside Krankies Coffee in Winsten-Salem, NC with Matt Peterson while cars, trains and mohawks (yes mohawks-see photo---), passed by around us. Matt, an ex-CIA agent, director of ZAO Water, pastor of Awake Church (http://awakews.org/media.php?pageID=28), and good friend of the Helsers, who arranged this hangout for us, has witnessed some pretty amazing things. A few years ago, while in Africa working on a water project, an ornery old man walked right up to him and began speaking slurs of all sorts in a dialect far from anything English. Matt, through a translator, confronted him with the reality that he was old and would die, soon, “so do you want to change?” With a chuckle as he thought back to that moment he said, “that was something I had never done, and don’t recommend it,” referring to the bluntness of his comments. The man, an African witchdoctor of high authority in that region, which Matt didn’t know until a little later, led him to his home then proceeded, under Matt’s guidance, to throw out all of the items he used for spells, along with the tokens of his power buried deep within pocket of his pants.

Within 30 minutes of their first meeting this man became a follower of Christ and was baptized. What?! After coming into this man’s home and willingly throwing everything evil out, he told Matt the same dream had swallowed his nights every since he was about 15, so around 40-50 years! In the dream he saw Matt taking hold of his head and dunking him under water. That picture penetrated the dream world into the real world as this witchdoctor received Christ and was baptized. Powerful. This story is a pretty clear testament to God going before us to prepare the way... Oh boy, now I’ve gotten off track... But that story is too incredible to share. Back to the original questions, “What do you see happening in the church over the next five years?” and his response.

The response Matt gave was not really what I was expecting. “I believe the definition of ‘who God the Father is’ is changing.” Then he went into the well known parable of the Lost Son (Prodigal Son), and shared a simple observation I, and many others I’m sure, up to that point had failed to ever notice. “The prodigal son did not know his father.” Wait... what? ............ Oh... WHOA. About half way through the parable the son is at the end of his ropes. He squandered his time and money, and reached unimaginable levels of shame. The son prepares an apology to bring back to his father, since by this point it’s the only thing he has to offer, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men” (Lk 15:18b,19), then sets off on his way back to his father’s house. In the son’s mind this was the best possible scenario he could imagine! To become a servant in his father’s home.... That was the absolute BEST possible scenario! A servant!

With his repentance speech in tongue the son makes his way back to his father’s home. The passage says, “But while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (v. 20b) Ok so, firstly, the father sees his returning son and is filled with COMPASSION for him. Secondly, he RUNS to him. And thirdly, he THROWS his ARMS AROUND him and KISSES him. Matt candidly pointed out that the son, after having been sent to the fields to work with pigs, for who knows how long, probably smelled anything but fresh. Yet, the father unabashedly embraces AND kisses him. And if that weren’t enough, before the son can even make it through his repentance speech the father calls the servants to bring out the best robe, place a ring on the son’s finger and sandals on his feet, and to kill the fattened cow. “Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. So they began to celebrate” (v.22b-24). Feast and celebrate! How often do we wallow in self pity and shame before our Heavenly Father, resisting facing Him, thinking He will never, can’t ever, receive us as sons or daughters again? And there He is in the distance watching, waiting for the silhouette of the weary and humiliated surface over the horizon so He can run to us, embrace us, kiss us, welcome us, spoil us, celebrate us. Matt’s main point through all of this was that even though he had grown up in his house, the son did not truly know the father. If he had, he would have known the father to receive him as he was, filthy, warn out, dreams shattered, but still his son. This being said it’s pretty key that this parable is told by Jesus, one who has not only come from the father but is our way to know the father (John 14:9b-10). God is not, nor will he ever be, disappointed in us.

I grew up in an amazing home, and am blessed with really really solid parents. Truly incredible. But, I feel as if at some point, I don’t know when, I hardened my heart a bit. It wasn’t that I rejected God. I seemed to just turn myself off to a lot of things, many emotions being one of them, and became more guarded. So, after hearing Matt share his insight into this story, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been living in the father’s house all my life, but without truly knowing the father. I’ve known him with my mind and not my heart.

This trip has helped me towards that realization, thanks to Matt. I am learning there is so much more to Him than I even know, and there are places I can go to with him that I’ve never dreamt of. I know in addition to what He’s shown me already, there is much more He wants to reveal to me about who He really is, and He longs to bring me into a place of deeper knowledge of Him, not just as God, but as Father. I’m ready.

Sophia, NC. A Place for the Heart

2011-03-06T10:45:00.000-08:00

After a few wrong turns, a couple correcting u-turns, and plenty of laughter we made our way up the long moonlit driveway of the Helser family. It’s hard to get a good lay of the land in the dark, but from what little I can see it looks like an amazing place. Our home for the night rests on 52 acres of land in the country side of Sophia, NC. We had planned to meet with a man named Jonathan Helser, who spent some time at our base in Kona this last year speaking and leading worship, but had the privilege of getting some time with his father, Ken, first. Let me back up a bit and explain. Amy Sollars, one of the leaders of the Fire & Fragrance School at our base in Kona gave us a bundle of envelopes each of which had a date to be opened and a mystery “task” for us to do. The first two were to find the Paul Revere statue in Boston, meet with a man named Jamey Galloway, and third, get time with Jonathan’s father, Ken Helser. I don’t know much about Jonathan, which means I knew even less about his father, if that is even possible. Regardless, what I came away with tonight was even greater than I could have imagined.

We rolled in about 20 minutes late, but were greeted warmly and led into the Helser’s elegant dining room where we sipped on tea, ate fresh coconut cream pie (a first for me), and listened closely to Ken share his past, present and future heart with us. Many things he said were so simple, but profound at the same time. More than once did the purity and depth of his heart radiate so strongly that I was moved near to tears. I have never met a man like him.

It never ceases to amaze me how God lines things up for us. On our way here today we listened to a Kris Vallotton podcast, my first, about writing your destiny and living life in a way that sets things up for those to come after us. Life should not be only about what I get to be a part of and do, but how me doing those things sets the stage for the next generation, allowing them to go even further. That, my friends, is a powerful thought. It’s hard enough for me to think about the next five years of my life, nonetheless the next 70.

These are a few of the powerful word "nuggets" Ken shared with us:

"I want to plant seeds that create orchards. So that, like in leapfrog, I can bend down allowing you to go over and further than me."

"God has never been disappointed in you. He is not surprised by our failures. He has covered them already. All of them."

"Most people have a relationsip with the Bible, not the Author. We like to be proud of our knowledge, not knowing the Author behind it."

"Tonight you have an invitation into the best seminary there is, but it will cost you everything. The seminary of life. Your professor, the Holy Spirit. Your library, 66 books. Your labratory, life. The world is your classroom... the greatest prayer you can pray is 'You get to me, God. Don't let me hide from you."

"If you wait to get what you 'need' to do ministry, you'll never do ministry."

One of the most impacting things about Ken Helser was how his life was a living example of what he spoke about. He doesn't just impress into you the importance of community, the value of family and why we need to prepare the way for the next wave of believers. He models it.

Two of Ken's children live in homes not down the road from him, but down the driveway from him, and work alongside him in a ministry called "A Place for the Heart." If you are unfamiliar with it, like I was, I encourage you to check it out their website - http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/. The more I heard the more I felt like this was a place I could stay forever. I think now would be a great time to figure out how to be in two places at one time...

Pennsylvania.

2011-02-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

It’s just past 10 pm in Lancaster, Pennsylvania and I’m looking back at the last few days in amazement. Today will be one week since our group of 6 met up and we’ve traveled through seven states already. God is so cool. I remember having a conversation with my dad shortly after graduating from high school about what my ideal job would be, and muttering something about being a “floater.” That it would be amazing to just follow God wherever he led and fill whatever roles or needs came about through that. I didn’t see myself being nailed down to anyone one particular place or thing, and my “schedule” would be one that allowed me to up and go whenever I felt that nudge from the Lord. However, at the time it didn’t seem like a “job” that existed beyond my imagination.

And now here I am, 8 years later, floating across the US with 5 dear like-hearted friends, seeking the Lord together with them daily, and gaining in wisdom and perspective beyond my comprehension. We’ve only met with a few people so far, but already my mind is bursting with new revelations of what it means to live a life of fullness in the Lord and how our lives can be used to impact this world for the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoa.

We spent today in Harrisburg, PA, about 50 minutes from where we’re staying here in Lancaster, and shared hearts and visions with some fellow YWAMers. A few members from our Kona base are there pioneering a new base and are 6 months into their first Fire and Fragrance DTS (http://fireandfragrance.com/). They are an amazing group of world changers and fueled by the desire to see God reclaim his rightful place as Lord in the hearts of people all over the world. After joining in on their morning lecture our crew went for coffee with Sammy and Jeremy, two powerhouses that are on staff in Harrisburg. In this time we gained insight into what it’s like to “pioneer” something, and how we can shape our lives around the dreams God gives us. They were a huge encouraged in the midst of being overwhelming in regard to how far the Lord has brought them, and how much wisdom they have gained in the process. Here are some nuggets of wisdom they shared with us:

1. Don’t feel the pressure of needing to get beyond what God’s shown you now. Walk out the current day commissioning from him until he reveals the bigger one.

2. Be (and remain) teachable

3. Cultivating a supernatural environment can come from positive attitudes and testimony. You need to believe that God is who he says he is and that he is fully capable of doing anything, and everything, he says he can. Then in faith step out in that.

4. Put more energy into your pursuit of God, vision of growing deeper in knowledge of him, then put energy/depth/passion into pursuing the vision he gives you.

5. It is harder to stay in love than it is to follow the rules. Fight for love and stay lovesick for him. Live a life of love for God.

6. Keep the humility in pursuing him. John 15- He is the vine and without him we can do NOTHING

There is so much more to say, and I could go on for days... but it’s getting late and we have a long day ahead of us so I’ll end it here for now... :)

New Jersey.

2011-02-11T09:57:00.000-08:00

New Jersey has received us with a safe trip and plenty of food. We arrived a few hours later than estimated and missed the entire super bowl, but I was ok with that. When we arrived around 11 pm we were welcomed into a home bursting with life as we dodged the children excitedly running around. The house bursting with hospitality and they happily greeted us, then guided us to a table then placed plates full of food in front of us. It was like being back in the Middle East again. We were swept in with swarm of introductions and then personally escorted by one of our contacts, Ali, to the homes we’d be staying in about 20 minutes away from where we’d just had dinner. Ali lives an hour from where our team was staying and could have easily just given us the address, but we chose to take us there himself.

We three girls stayed at the home of a Puerto Rican couple, Jamie and Nancy. They were asleep by the time we arrived, but we were able to meet Jamie in the morning. We were only there for two nights, but each morning they had breakfast set out for us, and Nancy went out at 5:30 am the morning before we left to bring back bagels for our team before we hit the road. We are just being blessed by people left and right. God is so good. A small Korean church we attended the day we left Boston took an offering for us the day we left and sent us on our way with $130 in cash, the exact amount we ended up needing the next day to fix our van (turns out the sway bar wasn’t attached to the steering or something really dangerous like that. Thank you Lord for your protection :)...). The following night our new Jersey friends from the Resting Place House of Prayer (RPHOP- www.restingplacehop.com/ ) took a Love offering for us which we were able use that for housing and to bless our hosts in Pennsylvania. God is faithful and trustworthy.

One of the highlights of our time in New Jersey, besides experiencing such supernatural hospitality, was being part of RPHOP’s prayer night. It was a time of worshiping God through prayer, singing and ministering to those in need. I was able to pray for a woman who struggled with rejection and anxiety. I watched the way God brought healing and peace to her as the tears came and her countenance changed during our prayer.

The craziest part about this night was the spontaneous joining of YWAMers. One of the teams from our Kona base that is halfway through their outreach in NYC was there, in addition to two of the staff from the Harrisburg base, and two other staff from our Kona base. We had no idea any of us would be there, but God did. It was a night of bringing family together and I loved every minute of it. New Jersey has formed a new place in my heart and I hope someday I get to pass through there again.

**Our crew enjoying Starbucks with the gift cards one of Elizabeth's supporters gave us :)

Boston + Cambridge, MA.

2011-02-10T06:44:00.000-08:00

The first leg of our Awaken U.S. trip brought us to Boston, MA. I love the Red Sox and I love this city. Three years ago I passed through for a few days before continuing my East Coast exploration and hunt for literary museums and writers homes. I toured a snow covered Fenway park, spent a good chunk of my day at Boston’s beautiful public library, and discovered the city on trains and metros. So, having been here before I knew there would be a certain sense of familiarity, especially as we headed towards Harvard University our first day, a campus I had walked through on my hunt for the home of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

However, it didn’t take me long to realize two HUGE differences that would set this trip to Boston apart from my last one. The first difference is community. This time I was not on my own. This time I walked the city’s streets with 5 others who, after only a few months of knowing each other, have become some of my closest friends. The second is the focus. When I came before it was a very self focused. I went where I wanted and did what was on my heart to do, using only a list of addresses and writer’s names to guide me. This time I was following the heart of God. Prayer and His Holy Spirit becoming my guides. Talk about getting a new perspective.

Our housing was a 15 minute walk from the Harvard campus at the Justice House of Prayer (http://jhopboston.com/). The group there instantly welcomed us into their home, hearts and community. For three days we lived together, ate together, laughed together and prayed together. It was a powerful testimony of the body of Christ, different members with different functions but all working together as one.

The second morning we were there we met up with Eunice Lee, a girl who had done her DTS in Kona a couple of years ago. Eunice is a junior year at Harvard and has taken it upon herself to bring a lifestyle of prayer and continual pursuit of the Lord to this place, meeting each morning to pray in a church on campus with whoever will join her. Although the group maybe small in numbers, varying from 4-10 people, I got the feeling that what they are a part of is bigger than they even realize. There is power in prayer, and as one who claims to follow Christ I began to feel the conviction of a life lacking in that area.

The day we were to leave Boston and head to New Jersey our dear van, lovingly named “Wallace the Tabernacle,” began to make sounds that even I, being ignorant in car-speak, knew were anything but normal. We decided to ask the Lord whether to stay and get it fixed, therefore cancelling the New Jersey part of our trip, or to go for it, trusting that if He wanted us to get there He’d get us there regardless of the noises coming from our van. After a few minutes we felt the go ahead and on a rainy February night we set off for the four hour drive to Jersey.

Be Thou My Vision.

2011-02-08T18:57:00.000-08:00

With a trip like this it’s easy to feel the need to work out all the details, or to do one’s best to finalize a schedule of what it will all look like. I’ll be honest, as much as I claim to be “spontaneous” I also like a certain amount of organization. I like to know what type of clothes to bring, about how much money I will need and how many books I can squeeze in my suitcase before it outweighs me. People like to “know.” I like to “know.” But with God the thing is that you can never really “know.” All you can do is to put your trust in him fully, discern where you feel him leading, then step out in obedience and “go.” I can believe what it says in Matthew 6:25-34, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear” (v. 25), but it is another thing entirely to live by it.

I’m not quite there yet, I wish I could say I was. But hopefully as I study the Word more, and commit passages like that one in Matthew to heart, it will become more of a lifestyle, not just verbiage in of my Christian dialect.

I also hope this is one of the things I come away from this trip with, along with a deeper knowledge and trust in the greatness of God, and a deeper relationship with him as I encounter him in my life and through the people we come to know along the way.

We have a basic itinerary of where we plan to go, “plan” being used very loosely here, and somewhat of a time frame in mind, but ultimately these next two months are up to the Lord as we leave our schedule sensitive and open to his leading. Our vision is to take on his vision. Our “plan” to follow his plan. This is his trip more than it is any of ours, and each day that revelation becomes more real I become more excited that he’s chosen to take me along for the ride.

AWAKEN Riders

2011-02-07T11:14:00.000-08:00

6 people from 5 different states and a purple Dodge conversion van from New Hampshire, this is my new family. Two months of travel with an estimated coverage of 4300 in the next three weeks alone, this is of our faith based adventure. The radical pursuit of the Lord in our team’s community, in our interaction with others along the way and in gaining perspective on how and where God is moving, that is our vision.

http://www.awakennations.com/

Click on the link above and check out our team blog where you can follow us and get updates about where we are and what we’re up to as we share our journey and how we are being encountered by the Father.

Come Away

2011-02-07T10:35:00.000-08:00

It’s our first morning back together in Kona as a whole school, and there are about 70 of us squeezing together along the side of the Banyan tree cafe on campus. The base is packed out and overflowing this term and this is one of the only places available, and spacious enough to fit us. It’s just past nine in the morning, but the Hawaiian sun is already beginning to rise in all its glorious heat. A gentle breeze carries through the air around us, and the tender strums of the acoustic guitar up front float up to greet it.

“Come away with me. Come away with me. It's never too late, it's not too late. It's not too late for you... I have a plan for you. I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be full of me....”

In this moment I am swept away. My mind carries me back to China and like the trailer of a movie being played before me are all the challenges and victories, the relationships and the divine encounters God blessed us with. I am reminded not only of how good he was to us, but how he allowed, and continues to allow, us to “come away” with him. To be a part of what he is doing. We just need to open up our heart and let him in.

I am also reminded of how often we can come back from an experience overseas and feel as if we haven’t done enough, like we’ve failed or let God down, and like he’s disappointed in us. But his love is so deep and fathomless that the last thing he wants us to be is distant from him. I love the promise of the lyrics, “It’s never too late.... I have a plan for you. It’s gonna be wild. It’s gonna be great. It’s gonna be full of me.” I want that.

I was mesmerized by the lyrics of this song and hope it blesses you like it did me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZoOfGiqZ7Y

A Conversation~ October 3rd

2011-01-16T00:03:00.000-08:00

It’s about two in the afternoon on a beautifully grey rainy Sunday and I am walking down the wet streets of Dalian, China. On one side of me is a Chinese woman I met at a gathering last Thursday, and on the other side is a friend she introduced me to at lunch this afternoon. Neither of these two can possibly weigh more than one hundred pounds or be much over five feet tall. Then there’s me, a Midwesterner oozing Scandinavian blood, towering at five feet nine inches and sporting the Kelly green rain coat I picked up from a Savers thrift store sometime last year. It is safe to say I stand out. But, interestingly enough it isn’t this contrast in appearances setting this time apart, but rather the conversation.

As we walk towards Xinghai Park, a notable tourist hot spot in this city, they are casually sharing about their spiritual backgrounds. Both of these women are Christians, their parent’s believers before them, meaning they grew up under Christian influence. I didn’t even know that was a possibility, which sounds extremely naive and I am aware of that. What would life look like growing up Christian in an openly Communist nation? I can’t even begin to imagine it. I am ashamed to admit I don’t know much about Chinese history, or the details about the progression of Christianity, but I do know it has not been, and still isn’t really, the most welcomed religious practice. The blood of martyrs marks the land of this nation in ways I will never be able to fully comprehend, and the impact of sacrifices made by those who came before me will carry on long after I leave. It is so far from my own American experience.

It’s a bit difficult to explain, but tonight I carry a special sense of privilege. Just one week ago my team and I set foot in China and I keep thinking, “God what are you doing? Who are we to come here so effortlessly, and yet be able to experience the fruits of those who gave their lives for these people? So many turned in their ‘normal’ lives and took on the vision of advancing the Kingdom, but never got to see the depth of impact they made. But here I am a person who, three months ago, didn’t have China on the radar, or want to put it on the radar, listening to people share about their personal journey to meeting Jesus.”

It’s been a few hours since I parted ways from those two ladies and squeezed into an extremely crowded bus, waving goodbye with one hand and maintaining a death grip on the roasted sweet potato they bought me off the street with the other. I still can’t fully comprehend, or believe, the richness of what I experienced today. Who would have ever thought that I would be in China walking in public with two Chinese believers as they talk freely and openly about their faith? Definitely not me....

Complete. Deep. Infinate ~Date Unknown

2011-01-15T23:51:00.000-08:00

This morning is blue-fully clear as honking horns from the morning traffic float up to me on the 18th floor. Surrounding our building are countless other apartment complexes attempting, most in vain, to challenge the 29 floors stacked up to make this one. I look out over the street and just beyond a small park the Yellow Sea stretches endlessly before me. This will be my home for the next 5 weeks. Incredible.

One of the greatest things about this place, besides the view :), is our whole group being together. Yep, all 11 of us split between two rooms, a small kitchen, and one bathroom, which should definitely be interesting. The room I’m in, along with the other 5 girls, doubles as a community room. Two oversized couches frame the tall windows opposite our bunk beds, giving way to a single glass door leading out to the balcony, where I sit now. The structure of this morning is no different from the others before it. We all crawled out of bed for an early breakfast together, proceeding to shuffle through bathroom turns in a somewhat orderly fashion (“BATHROOM ANYONE?!”), and on into the girl room for teamtime; one of many to come. What will mark this morning in my mind and heart is what I begin to feel as I look out across the street into the park.

Each morning, about this same time, a group of older Chinese men and women dance in the park. You can see anything from the tango, to classic ballroom dancing to, “I not quite sure what that guy’s doing, but ‘good job’ to him for going for it....” It’s fun to watch. I’ve been watching them for a few minutes and I get blasted with this weighty revelation. GOD LOVES THEM. NO, HE REALLY LOVES THEM. Each and every one of them. He. Loves. Them. His heart burns so deeply and they have no idea.... They just dance away, twirling one another round and round, sometimes for exercise and other times for enjoyment. God is probably the furthest thing from their minds right now, and yet that doesn’t change the fact that HE LOVES EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. It doesn’t even matter that they may not know ever come to know Him. He LOVES them WHERE they are, AS they are. Wow.

It seems so simple and matter of fact, but to actually get to feel a sprinkle of that love for someone; to feel HIS love for THEM. It’s enough to wreck a person. I know it did me. I shared this with my team when we met back together but hardly got started before I just broke down. This overwhelming sense of His love for others moved me to tears (and I am not much of a crier. God, however, is softening my heart :). I can’t imagine loving someone, anyone, so completely and deeply, so infinitely, especially without knowing if that love will be reciprocated. Yet that is how He loves. And His love doesn’t change. It is, has been, and will always be. Complete. Deep. Infinite. FREE. He can’t turn it off, even when we turn Him off. And to take this even further, that powerful revelation of His depth for those Chinese people is the same deep love He has for me, and for YOU. Whoa. We “know” this, but do we believe it? And by believing it do we allow ourselves to receive it? And in receiving do we let it into our day so it changes how we see ourselves and others, ultimately changing how we live? I really hope so.

After this experience I am more convinced not just of the power of God’s love, but of my need to learn more of to what this love is. Maybe a new prayer can be “Lord, help me learn to love the ways you love. To have as complete of a love as me, a broken human can have, and to love in ways that are deeply infinite. To love in ways that are pure and heavenly.” I’m not sure I know what that means or will look like, but from the little bit He’s shown me I now know it too good not to pursue in one way or another.

An Apology

2011-01-14T00:35:00.000-08:00

Well, it is with a heavy heart that I start this entry. One of my goals when I began this blog was to keep it updated, and since the last post came on the 27th of August, 2010, it is clear I have fallen way way short of that goal and I am sorry.... However, be not dismayed! a new year is upon us and I am more inspired than ever. Originally my delay in posts was due to the fact that Blogspot, along with Facebook and Youtube, was blocked in China. People told me it could be accessed through a proxy site, but since security was something we needed to keep in mind it seemed best to just wait till I got back to the states. But then I got back and our debrief week, the student’s graduation and approaching holidays swept me right away with it. Good news! is it has finally set me back down and here I am, a month later, getting back at it :).

Our China team returned to Kona on the 12th of December, and spent the next 2 days resting and beginning to recover from the 18 hr time difference (18 hours ahead, meaning we were living in the future! So cool!) It was great to be back together with everyone and it felt like we were picking up right where we’d left off. Like there was never any time spent apart, which is pretty telling about the bond created within our school. Slowly, powerful stories from each team began to circulate, and I was reminded that as short as three months may seem it is plenty of time for God to move, and for lives to be changed all over the world.

My desire over these next couple weeks is to bring you some of the experiences from my time in China, and to do my best to share what God had for our team during the three months we were there. It was an amazing time, to say the least. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I stepped on that plane heading to China, but I look back and can’t see it having been any better than it was. God blessed us with unity and joy as a team, and also relationally as he gifted us with deep friendships in short amounts of time.

I kept a journal pretty regularly and that is where a majority of these next posts will come until I am up to date. There’s some pretty exciting stuff coming on the wings of 2011 and I can’t wait to share it. But first, about China!! :)

Simply Extraordinary

2010-08-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

The weeks are flying by. It's crazy. These last two were full of researching and filling out visa forms, preparing budgets for outreach and feeble attempts to organize some type of a schedule for our time China. All great things, but all also enough to make this girl more than enthusiastic about receiving the weekend, and two days off coming with it. Usually, I spend a good portion (five hours minimum) of one of those days at Starbucks, a “work” day I like to call it, so this last weekend was no different. Or so I thought (Insert suspenseful music here...)

Since I don’t have a vehicle here I tend to do alot of walking. Hitchhiking is an option, just not one I’ve accustomed myself too. Something about being alone and finally coming to terms with the fact that I am not as indestructible as I'd like to think. Anyway, the walk isn’t bad, a little over a mile, and takes me about twenty minutes depending on the pace I assume. The only reason I share this apparently insignificant information is because it will be essential in helping you grasp the beauty of how my seemingly ordinary day became simply extraordinary.

Money was tight, atleast in terms of what I had on me as I walked. Five one dollar bills and a gift card with $2.87 left on it. Also, it is important to point out that things here, in Hawaii, are a bit higher in price than the mainland, and being so I found myself with an unfortunate conundrum. I was concerned about the length of time I wanted to spend at Starbucks equally my ability to milk a drink for all it was worth, meaning the length of time I hoped to be there. If my drink cup was emptied, say about two hours in, and I knew I had another 3 hours or so to go, a strange sense of guilt would begin to form within me followed closely by a subtle paranoia of which I would unintentionally direct towards each barista and their eyes of "condemnation," internet “mooch” and “corner table waster”... Yea, yea, so this may seem a bit dramatic, but don’t deny there are times you’ve felt guilty sitting in a place without having purchased something... or you have purchased something but you have since finished it, yet remain in your chair enjoying the hard seat and straight back... Alright, now we are on the same page (atleast literally, if you are still confused...)

As soon as I began my walk I dropped my identity of English major, temporarily I assure you, and naively picked up the role of mathematician (for future reference, I do not recommend this) and so for the next twenty-ish minutes I pondered how to get my Grande Caramel Frappeccino with two shots of espresso, a drink costing $6 minimum, while leaving change to get a regular coffee for $1.50 and maybe even a refill for 50 cents (tax was not included in my mathematics, I had to draw the line somewhere...) By the time I arrived at Starbucks, back sweat and all, I had yet to come to a solution of how to make my financials match my desires. And so I spent the first 40 minutes upon arrival pretending to read, but really just trying to figure out my life. Finally, with a huge sigh and a heavy step I approached the register.

Barista 2 –“ I like your headband”

Me- “Ahhhh, thanks!”

Pause

Me to Barista 1- “How much is a shot of espresso?

Barista 1- “70 cents”

Me- forlorn “Oh, hmmm, so two shots would be $1.40 then huh?”
I wasn’t kidding about practicing my math during the walk, good thing too... came in handy at this point in the convo)

Barista 1 – “Something like that, plus tax”

Me- “And a cup of coffee is around 1.50?”

Barista 1- “Yea...”

Me- sighing, “Ok...... I would like Grande Frapp with one shot espresso, please”
(*important note- I had wanted two shots, because I very much enjoy the stronger coffee flavor paired with the medium sized Caramel Frappe, however, I could have gotten the smaller size with just one shot and the flavor balance would have been comparable. BUT since I hadn’t had dinner I chose to sacrifice flavor for quantity... therefore ordering the medium with one shot... Anyway, carrying on ;)

After placing my order, and paying Barista 1, I took a seat and began to wait for my drink. They had written my name on the cup, so after a few short minutes (way better than “long minutes”- those are the worst) “Erica” rang out and I raised my eyes towards the pickup counter. What I saw was something unexpected and at the same time extraordinary. Something tall, tan and beautiful. Yes, a Caramel Frappeccino, like I had ordered, but this one came in the form of a Vente, which for those unfamiliar with Starbucks lingo, is a size larger than I ordered. As neared the counter, trying to conceal my smiles, Barista 2 learned over,

Barista 2 – “I snuck that extra shot in there for you”

Me – Smile, Smile, SMILE “Thank you” SMILE

I gingerly grabbed my drink, smiles breaking free at last, and returned to my dimly lit seat in the corner, thinking to myself over and over, “This is the best day of my life. I am the luckiest girl alive... ”

Alright, now, all excessively unnecessary, yet highly enjoyable, dramatic tones set aside and genuine sincerity retrieved, this was a big deal. I had just spent the last hour of my life, ridiculously I realize, worrying over how to make my unwavering desire to get what I wanted come true, two shots of espresso in my drink of choice, while leaving change enough to get a regular coffee for the walk home. I know I know, I could have sucked it up and gotten a plain coffee or no extra shots of espresso and it would have had plenty... The point is that I had a desire, a small insignificant and rather superfluous in the scheme of life, and yet there was God knowing how much I wanted that extra shot. How much it would mean to me. Simple, I know... But that’s what makes it so amazing. There I was, about to settle for one and He chose to simply bless me, to show his love for me and to give me that little desire regardless of how insignificant it might seem to most. I guess it just reminded me of how deep His love is.

I’ve often heard people say that God delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, but my mind usually goes to things like marriage, a house, a new car or a dependable job. You know the “big” things in life. However, that extra shot helped me realize He saw my desire, in all its simplicity, and delighted in giving to me just as much as anything else... Well, maybe not just as much, but a whole lot :)

I hope that as you go through this next week, month, year, you begin to notice the little things God is giving you, and that you are overwhelmed with a revelation of His love for you as I was. Trust me, it moves your day from ordinary to extraordinary in no time :)
Alright friends, this story wouldn’t be complete without a picture..

So, here it is. Tall, tan and beautiful....

Sunset sharing

2010-08-27T00:56:00.001-07:00

Aloha friends! I wanted to share a sunset with your and give you a few updates on my life these days so here's a 6ish min video for ya :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upucrikK2Dc

Apoligies in advance, the vid's a bit dark, guess that means you can enjoy the background more ;)

Mike, or Michael

2010-08-27T00:42:00.000-07:00

Ok, warning, this post is a bit long... but it’s about a night that is too cool not to share ( I started writing about it a few weeks ago then fell victim to business and forgot to finish it, until tonight... )

Rain. Beautifully soothing rain drops fall gently outside my window as I type this. Rain has become a common happening during our school. I keep hearing people say “it never rains this much!” and yet it seems that God is fit to bless us with rain. Each day He comes, moving in undeniably real ways the rain follows. It comes as a marker, at the end of the day, a seal over our experiences and renewed awareness of His being. I didn’t think it was possible to love rain more than I already did, but then again I didn’t think I would ever be going to China either...

Yesterday was Tuesday, and each Tuesday evening, after dinner, we come together with our students for something called Community Outreach, a euphemism for what is more commonly labeled “Evangelism Night” (atleast during my DTS years ago). As one may imagine, this night is not always met with the most welcoming of receptions. Something about the idea of “evangelism” sends our insides into a tizzy and stirs up all kinds of awkward.

So, tonight as the students began to fill into the pavilion around 6:30 it did not take long to notice morale was low, very low. Whatever it was, we all felt it. As I looked around the room it was disheartening to notice these heavy feelings seeming to blanket everyone, almost as if a dark cloud settled over the room sprinkling feelings of despondency on top of each one of us. Perhaps the most challenging part was that in about thirty minutes we would be leaving campus to enter the community hoping to pray for those in need and share the message of Christ; a message that proclaims freedom, and promises the exact opposite of what was being conveyed in that room.
A couple of the guys began to play music and Kat, one of our female staff leaders, stepped to the microphone and voiced what we were all feeling, “Something is not right.” She said this heaviness, this oppression, could only be explained as a resistance to what was awaiting us on the other side. A weak attempt to discourage us from entering the community and being a part of impacting the lives of God’s dear ones; those he cares desperately about and longed to embellish his love upon through us.

Once she finished we all broke into groups of two to four, and after a few minutes of seeking the Lord in prayer Lauren, one of the girls I get to meet with weekly, and I set out. As we walked we discussed whether or not we believed God was speaking anything specific to us about who we were to encounter. I mumbled something about the word “hemlock” and seeing the picture of some odd V shaped thing. I had no idea what either meant, if anything, but I figured I’d throw them out there anyway because really, what did I have to lose? Lauren replied with, “I got Mike, or Michael, but I’m not sure if that’s from the Lord or my own mind.” We decided regardless of whether or not these things meant anything we would try to be an encouragement to people we talked to.

One of the first people we came upon was Joleen, a woman who worked at McDonalds up the road from our campus. She was on her thirty-minute break so we decided to take a few of those minutes to thank her hard work, and for serving us (at times campus food is a not the most appetizing so us YWAMers have been known to frequent the Mickey D’s). After that we kept walking along the road, ocean on our left, shops on our right. We were about ready to cross over to busier side, but for whatever reason we stayed on our current side for another block. As we walked I noticed this guy, who looked to be in his twenties, coming towards us with a small book in his hands. It was completely dark by this time so he had the book raised up towards his face, catching the light from the street lamps. I love books so my curiosity was sparked instantly. I had to find out what he was reading. I mean come on, it to be good if he was willing to read it not just while walking, but in the darkness on the narrowest park of the road moving towards oncoming traffic. He lifted his head to my inquiry and met our eyes with one of the happiest smiles I’ve ever seen. “Tao Te Ching. My favorite. I’ve been reading it over and again for the past three years.” He was a bit surprised to learn neither Lauren nor I had read it. We asked him to share his favorite page with us, talked a bit about what he was in Kona for, what we were in Kona for and a some other random things, then Lauren mentioned something about my Birthday being the next day and he stretched out his arm, book in hand, “Here you go, an early Birthday gift.” His favorite book. A companion that had traveled alongside him for the last three years, and now he was handing it over to someone he’d known for barely ten minutes. Wow. People have a hard enough time giving things away to people they know, nonetheless someone they’ve just met.

After talking for a while longer I realized we’d never asked his name, or told him ours. So we introduced ourselves and asked his name, “Mike, or Michael.” Lauren gasped out loud and covered her mouth with surprise. He introduced himself the exact way she had shared as we were discussing whether or not we felt God laying things or people on our hearts that night. Her words, “I got Mike or Michael, but I’m not sure I’m making it up or it’s from God.”Pretty safe to say that one was from God. So much for my hemlock and weird V thing... Haha, I wish I could have seen how big our smiles were because I’m convinced our faces were just barely wide enough to contain them.

We hung out with Mike, or Michael ;), for a bit longer that night hitting up some Mcdonald’s with a few other YWAM students. So, as if the “Mike, or Michael thing wasn’s enough as I stood in line Lauren, who had been in the bathroom, flies over to me and asks if I had lotion on. It caught me a bit off guard. I assured her that no, I didn’t have any lotion on, or makeup since I was coming off a make-up fast, then asked her why. “You have gold dust all over your arms and chest!” I knew she wasn’t kidding because her face was beaming uncontrollably, and then she showed me her own glittering arms. It was the craziest thing! Both of us had shimmering gold dust all over our upper bodies, and mine was on my shoulders and even under the straps of my tank top. Insane. After a bit of a giggle fest we tried to compose ourselves by getting food. We had a round of sundaes, shakes and fries and great conversations with our new friend about what the Discipleship Training School is and the power of being a part of something bigger than yourself. It was so relaxed and free. Mike told us that after having lived on the island two years this conversation was the first of its kind, and we were the first group he had ever felt so comfortable around. God touched us that night.

Something else that I didn’t realize, until later, was the significance of the book he gave me. I was trying to learn a bit about it and here’s what I found... I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but here I go using Wikipedia as a reference (Massive no no as and English Major, but I’m doing it... judge me all you want;),

“The Tao Te Ching is fundamental to the Philosophical Taoism and strongly influenced other schools, such as Legalism and Neo-Confucianism. This ancient book is also central in Chinese religion, not only for Religious Taoism but Chinese Buddhism, which when first introduced into China was largely interpreted through the use of Taoist words and concepts. Many Chinese artists, including poets, painters, calligraphers, and even gardeners have used the Tao Te Ching as a source of inspiration. Its influence has also spread widely outside East Asia, aided by hundreds of translations into Western languages.”

Not only had he gifted me his favorite book, but he had given me something that carried with it great significance in the Chinese culture, which would be great for someone going to China... Oh wait, I’m going to China! Yea, whoa. Out of ALL the books, he gives me one that holds importance for me for China... :)

So there you have it, a night full of God once again. All the heaviness that plagued the beginning hours of Community Outreach was long gone and those feelings of despondency were washed away with another night of rain. It was a beautiful night, thanks for reading this doozy of post and sharing this experience with me :)

Freedom Rained

2010-08-09T03:38:00.000-07:00

Tonight we had an open time of worship. I joined about twenty minutes in, just as the sprinkles of rain started turning to heavier drops. I love rain. I love the feeling of it on my face and arms, and sound each drop makes as they land on the ground, a roof or someone’s windshield. Lately though, I’ve come to love it even more for the symbolism it brings with it. Cleansing and washing away the old. Hope of transformation and new life for each living thing it falls upon.

It took me a few minutes before I let myself step out of the pavilion (our class room with three of the four sides open and exposed to the outdoors) and into the pouring raining. As the rain kissed each cheek I felt this release in my spirit. I felt free to let go of what people were doing around me and and free to liberate the desire to sing and dance unabashedly. I think it important to inform the reader of the fact that my singing and dancing leave much to be desired, atleast by this world’s standards, which makes this an even more exciting.

At dinner a girl, whom I’ve never met, serving in the line tonight stopped me as I passed through and said, “I felt like when I saw you I was supposed to tell you that God enjoys the worship you bring him.” Funny, because I feel quite ridiculous most of the time, especially with each voice crackle and inability to sing in any sort of correct key. I guess that was all I needed to hear and be reminded of and God knew it. That it doesn’t matter how I look or sound. All that matters is the state of my heart and that I respond accordingly. So, hooray for tonight :) I responded accordingly and my soaking clothes bear witness to that.

After this freeing time of worship I stopped by a Kazak friend’s room. Before I even got to the room I could hear the sounds of Arabic music booming through her windows. I ran up the stairs and was greeted with a site that instantly brought me back to my days in Jordan. Shoes lined up outside the door, a table full of food and drinks, and a group of girls dancing with scarves wrapped around their hips. I spent the next hour “dancing,” or trying to do something of that manner, with a combination of people I knew and people I didn’t know. In a circle made up of seven of us, six nations were represented, Egypt, Samoa, Kazakhstan, Korea, Tajikistan and the US, and I loved every minute of it. At times I feel more at home among foreigners than I do other Americans. This was very well one of those times. No one minded if I could dance well or not, we just enjoyed the music and having that time together. We American's need more of this kind of thing in our lives....

**** I found the above picture online, and it is befittingly called “Blooming in the rain." I enjoy it quite a lot.

Born In The Summer Of My 27th Year

2010-08-09T02:53:00.000-07:00

About four years about I started a birthday tradition. That tradition is to find a song with my new age in it, which would therefore become my song for the next year. Since the songs didn’t have to be realistic, or applicable to my life, the only real requirement was that somewhere in the song the lyrics would include the number of my new age. It didn’t even have to be in reference to age. So for example my 23rd year was, unfortunately, Blink 182’s What’s My Age Again, ridiculous I know (it was my first round so I was, at that time, easy contented). The next year Switchfoot stole my headphones, and heart, with the beautiful 24, perfectly packed with plenty of 24s. A year later, and a quarter of the way to a century, Denison Witmer’s solemnly beautiful 24 turned 25 sang me through the year. A momentary sense of concern swept over me the day I turned 26 as darkness began to close in, not over my life, just over the dwindling hours of birthday left in my day. It neared ten o’clock and I didn’t have a 26 song. But the hours of waiting were worthwhile and, thanks to a couple dear friends of mine, I got one of the best birthday gifts ever; a song for my birthday. A song for me turning 26. A song made, and written, specifically so that I would have a song for that year :) It still blows my mind and warms my heart each time I listen to it.

Last Wednesday another birthday found me, and I welcomed the lovely number 27 into my daily life. Again I wondered, “What song will it be this year?” A special friend and mentor in my life, Dee Dee Lund, without even knowing about my little tradition, brought me the answer. John Denver’s Rocky Mountain High. Sounds funny, I know. I have to admit I don’t know I have ever listened to an entire John Denver song, or maybe I have, I just didn’t know it was him at the time. But yesterday, on a quiet Saturday night I sat down at the table in my room, next to an open window, plugged in my headphones and let John share that piece of his heart with me. The first line flew through my ears and landed on my lips as a smiled spread, “Born in the summer of his 27th year.” Me too! Then came the lines, “Comin’ home to a place he’d never been before/ He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again/ You might say he found a key for every door...” Those doggone lyrics got me a thinkin about the current staytus of my life...

Even though I may be in Hawaii with the ocean, instead of Colorado with the mountains I couldn’t help but identify with this song. I have committed to being here for the next two years which means that with each meal, conversation and walk along the ocean Kona gradually becomes more home to me. I have entered a new stage of my life, or as they say in YWAM, “a new season.” Each day I take one more step away out of yesterday and into today. Each day my world is being shaken and new revelations God, his magnitude and overwhelming greatness, begin to emerge. I can hardly fathom or process it all. I told my sister today that God is shaking and breaking me, all for the better of course... I hope each day a little bit of the girl that got off that plane from Minnesota over a month and a half ago falls away, and a bit more of the lady God longs to see take her place begins to break out. It won’t be easy, I realize. Surrender never is. But He is bringing me further from the point where I care what it looks like, and closer to the place that makes it all the more worth embracing. Something big is on the horizon. I feel it and see flashes of it each week. Aslan is on the move :) and I want to be a part of it, whatever that means.

As I head into this next week I understand what he means when Denver says, "You could say he was born again. I can't help but have this sense that new pieces of me are being brought to life. I don' t know what they are just yet, but I feel them coming. And while I may not have the “key for every door," but I feel pretty confident in the Key I do have, the door it opens and the One who holds it.

Thanks for joining me in my Rocky Mountain ramblings. Enjoy this second week of August and I hope atleast one of the days involves a popsicle or s’mores, or a popsicle s’more (if you try that please send pictures my way)

China.

2010-08-02T02:52:00.000-07:00

Pretty much the last place I’ve ever wanted to go in my life, and the first place I rejected as an outreach location when I got here to Hawaii. People often say that God has a sense of humor. I can’t help but wonder if he chuckles each time the words, “I will never ...” leave our mouths, and if he sits there with a smile, thinking to himself, “If they only knew...“ And, if that is the case then there is a high likelihood he spent the last two years in a constant chuckle over how many times I said “I never” with regard to wanting to go to China.

Well friends, I’m sure it will come as no surprise that in two months I will in fact be going to, you guessed it, China. My co-leader and I joke about how we didn’t pick China, it picked us. It is humorous actually, the way God words in the midst of our stubbornness. I think it’s safe to say that last week I experience the worst and best day of my life. Thankfully they happened in that order. Wednesday felt like I was trapped in the body of a five year old with feelings I could not shake. I experienced frustration so strong I was convinced the release of words from my mouth would not only summon tears but unshackle a temper tantrum in the process. A tantrum I knew did not belong in my day, and later realized was rooted in pride and selfishness, rather than some great injustice or crime against humanity. Basically, as is the case with most tantrums, it was anything but “justifiable.”

The next day, barely twenty four hours later, I was on the complete other side of the spectrum. I felt a deep freedom beyond anything I had ever experienced prior to that point. My eyes felt brighter and my shoulders lighter. I’m not sure anyone else noticed, but I did. Joy. Inescapable joy. Joy brought on by a God initiated heart change towards the point where I can’t see myself going anywhere else but China now. My feelings of frustration came from a lonely place. A place where I had myself convinced I was alone, on the outside and disconnected. It didn’t take long for me to see the hole in that mentality and the lie that I let myself fall victim to.

I asked God to give me a heart for China, to give me new eyes to see the people there
how he sees them and to help me fathom how he is letting me be part of his vision for that country. He is definitely at work on the first two and the third will follow along soon. I have an amazing group of nine students and a solid co-leader I get the privilege of traveling to China with. Last Friday was our first team meeting, and as I sat there, looking from student to student, listening to each share the story of why they felt led to China, an overwhelming sense of unworthiness swept over me. With my stubbornness and attitude that week I was anything but deserving of sitting in that passionate group, let alone leading them, and yet God in his infinite love and mercy had chosen me. In the end it wasn’t really China that picked me, it was God, and now looking back I am more than okay with it.

I don’t know very much about China. But I do know there is no other place I am supposed to be going, and no other team for me to be a part of.

Here are a few pics of the group from our team lunch yesterday :) God has his hand of these guys and gals. Can’t wait to get to China with them!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Team China Woo!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God’s Finger in "Mystery Fun Night"

2010-07-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. Where to even begin... Well, each week, on Monday, our DTS group does something called “Mystery Fun Night.” There isn’t really a structure for it other something mysteriously fun. It can be anything from a scavenger hunt, to a thumb wrestling tournament, to an outbreak of healings and gold dust appearing out of thin air. Wait a minute.... Yep, you read that right. Healings and gold dust. Ok, let me back up for a minute.

Ever since arrival day, just over two weeks ago, the students have been beyond anxious to know the locations for the outreach phase following this three month lecture phase. Some of the staff decided this first “Mystery Fun Night” would be a good way to do that. So, instead of just making some jazzed up announcement we watched the movie, “The Finger of God.” Whoa. I had never seen it or even heard of it before so I had no idea what I was in for...

Set up as a documentary this film is the story of a somewhat skeptic believer on a journey around the world in search of the supernatural things God was doing. The things he had heard rumors of, but never witnessed. I have to be honest, as I watched I felt a bit of skepticism myself. Jewels falling from nowhere during church services, gold dust appearing randomly on people, manna in the pages of someone’s Bible and on and on. It’s not that I didn’t believe God could do that, I guess I just couldn’t understand why. But then again, why would people lie about something like that, something that reaped no apparent physical or personal gain. I just don’t know...

As the movie began to wrap up I, and I’m sure others, glanced around the room trying to gage where others were at in response to it all. I was worried that some might be intimidated and even a bit turned off by it all. Then, just as our leader, Andrew, was about to move into announcing the outreach locations it happened. As Andrew approached the stage a small group had started to form around one of our students, Chris. Once on stage it was clear that announcing those locations just didn’t seem too important anymore. I made my way over to the crowd, and as the wall of people broke open my eyes met Chris’s. He stood there, in the middle of fellow students and staff, tears falling and arms outstretched glistening with gold dust. Speechlessness was inevitable. Awe and reverence are inconceivable understatements. “Glory,” the only word that comes close at all to explaining the overwhelming sense that swept over me, and then only if repeated multiple times on end from here on into eternity.

We spent the next hour prayer for each other and sharing in the joy as God moved among our students healing many of them of things like asthma, back and shoulder problems and scoliosis. I watched as one of the girls I meet one on one with weekly was healed from her knee problems; problems attributed to a half inch length difference between legs and something she was unaware until she saw her right foot grow that missing half inch. I was there friends. I saw it with my own eyes. God is real. God is very much alive, despite what some may think. And He is on the move. How will you receive him?

It is undeniable. God touched our group that night. He made his presence known and left us marked with the inescapably glorious imprint of his finger on our lives. I’m glad it was just a finger. I’m not sure I could have handled more ... :)

Low Enough To Notice

2010-07-17T19:43:00.001-07:00

So, a couple weeks ago a few of us staff were at a place called Queen’s bath (as beautiful as it sounds), filming our scene for the AWAKEN DTS staff video -not quite finished yet, but a link will be up when it is:). It was a pretty nice day, a little cloudy, which I’m learning is an afternoon trend around here, but it was still enjoyable. As I was waiting to shoot my part I sat down in the sand and began to look around me, trying to take it all in; from the gentle waves to the salty breeze stopping momentarily to kiss my face before moving on to mangle my hair. My gaze began at eye level, and moved across the horizon startling with the massive cruise ship in the distance, somehow managing to float, and on to the vacation rentals cradling the shore behind me. How far from the anything in Minnesota it all was. Slowly my eyes moved down over the lava rock, tide pools and children in floaties excitedly embarking on their own adventures; screams and all. Eventually my gaze drifted down to my wrinkled pants, dirty feet and the sand around me. The sand around me. Something about it drew me in closer, and as I leaned over, low enough for my nose to nearly touch it, I saw that it wasn’t just sand but tiny shells mixed amidst the sand pebbles. I sat up slowly, raised my sand covered hands closer and began to slowly sift my fingers through the little treasures. It was incredible. Shells of varying colors and patterns, shapes and petite sizes.

I’m not sure if these pictures will show it well enough, but it blew my mind that there could be shells a small as a grain of sand. And that in those miniature shells was, or had been, tiny creatures. Creatures that I, the average person, rarely sees or even notices, and would probably need a microscope to truly see. It boggles my mind! What in the world was God thinking? Our God, a God who in all his power parts seas, calms oceans, creates the Grand Canyon and hand crafted you and I, took time in the midst of all everything to dream up these barely noticeable little creations. Why?

Most people would most likely reply, “It’s for His glory” and “because He can.” I think there’s more to it than just that. I’m not sure what exactly that “more” is, but I wonder if He did it so show His gentleness. Those tiny tiny shells He made a part of this world. Those little creatures He cared enough about to bring to life, knowing full well that a majority of his creatures would never take note. He didn’t do it for us, but he did it. Or maybe He did do it for us. Maybe He did it knowing that one day someone like me would walk on that beach, sit down and take notice. And that while taking notice that person would feel like they had unearthed a small portion of the infamous lost treasure of the sea. A treasure dreamed about. A treasure few get to see. A treasure few get to hold in the palm of their hands.

As I walked off the beach that day and packed into the van with the others I couldn’t help wondering about other things in this world that are like those shells. Treasures constantly being overlooked. Unlikely places waiting to be discovered, appreciated, enjoyed. A person waiting to be noticed, conversed with and validated for who they are as they are. Maybe it’s as simple as starting up a new conversation or as adventurous as trying new food but I can’t help but think there is so much out there out there waiting for us find it. Too many treasures waiting to be found. I going to dig up my treasure map, how about you? :)

How did I get here?

2010-07-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

Heyo!

I wanted to give more of an explanation of how this Hawaii thing came about so if you are interested check out this vid. It's a little over 5 min long...

(It was a bit too bit to upload directly but youtube hooked me up :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktDhKlkFyY4

Oh, title of mine

2010-07-05T23:46:00.000-07:00

Four weeks ago I made the decision to join YWAM as staff. Two weeks ago I packed up my life into two suitcases (well, two suitcases and a 45 lb carry on), got on a plane and came to Kailua-Kona, Hawaii. One week ago I signed a paper committing the next two years of my life to an organization and vision I believe in, and have long desired to be a part of. Seventeen minutes ago I began writing my first blog. Thanks for being a part of it with me :)

As an English major and human being branded with an irreversible love for books I know the significance of properly chosen words. So how do I, a newborn in this world of social networking, choose a title for my blog that explains my life in its present form, while identifying the unwavering influences around me? I take two things I love, music and words, combine them, and then proceed to break them apart. Some call it parsing, but for now I will call it a harmonious union :). I took key words from the titles of two of my favorite songs, Anberlin’s Dismantle.Repair., and Yann Tierson’s Mother’s Journey. Powerful words on their own “dismantle” and “journey” become something indescribable to me when married together. The definition of these two words, according to mirriamwebster.com (yea online dictionary!), is:

Dismantle: 1 : to take to pieces; also : to destroy the integrity or functioning of
2 : to strip of dress or covering

Journey: 1 : an act or instance of traveling from one place to another
2 chiefly dialect : a day's travel
3 : something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another

When I look at my life in relation to these next two years with YWAM I want it to be a time where I am taken to pieces. A time where God is given full reign in my life and regains all control by stripping me free of the “coverings” I have accumulated over these past years; the false confidences and idols I have put my trust in over Him. It will be a journey literally and figuratively as I attempt to make passage from one place in my spiritual walk to another, hopefully of novel depth, in addition to walking through the phases of a Discipleship Training School from stateside lectures to overseas encounters. Something else I find special joy in the idea of being able to replace “Journey” in the title with my name, or yours for that matter. I am continuously moving through life, sometimes forwards, sometimes back. I am on a journey. I am a Journey. A work in progress. I like to think we all are. But rarely do we stop long enough to examine, break down and really look at where we came from or where it is we are going...

I want this blog to be an attempt of that sort, and hope to update it once a week capturing my journey as truthfully and openly as I can, presenting to this world, to you and to me, A Journey Dismantled, A Erica Taken To Pieces.

*A minor disclaimer. There will be typos and grammatical errors in the days ahead (mainly comma splices- never could figure those little guys out in college). But just as there are bumps and pot holes on the road of life I hope these little errors will remind us of the imperfections we as fallen human beings each have. Thankfully we have Jesus to redeem us, and the MLA format to fix my linguistical mistakes... :)