A Conversation~ October 3rd

It’s about two in the afternoon on a beautifully grey rainy Sunday and I am walking down the wet streets of Dalian, China. On one side of me is a Chinese woman I met at a gathering last Thursday, and on the other side is a friend she introduced me to at lunch this afternoon. Neither of these two can possibly weigh more than one hundred pounds or be much over five feet tall. Then there’s me, a Midwesterner oozing Scandinavian blood, towering at five feet nine inches and sporting the Kelly green rain coat I picked up from a Savers thrift store sometime last year. It is safe to say I stand out. But, interestingly enough it isn’t this contrast in appearances setting this time apart, but rather the conversation.

As we walk towards Xinghai Park, a notable tourist hot spot in this city, they are casually sharing about their spiritual backgrounds. Both of these women are Christians, their parent’s believers before them, meaning they grew up under Christian influence. I didn’t even know that was a possibility, which sounds extremely naive and I am aware of that. What would life look like growing up Christian in an openly Communist nation? I can’t even begin to imagine it. I am ashamed to admit I don’t know much about Chinese history, or the details about the progression of Christianity, but I do know it has not been, and still isn’t really, the most welcomed religious practice. The blood of martyrs marks the land of this nation in ways I will never be able to fully comprehend, and the impact of sacrifices made by those who came before me will carry on long after I leave. It is so far from my own American experience.

It’s a bit difficult to explain, but tonight I carry a special sense of privilege. Just one week ago my team and I set foot in China and I keep thinking, “God what are you doing? Who are we to come here so effortlessly, and yet be able to experience the fruits of those who gave their lives for these people? So many turned in their ‘normal’ lives and took on the vision of advancing the Kingdom, but never got to see the depth of impact they made. But here I am a person who, three months ago, didn’t have China on the radar, or want to put it on the radar, listening to people share about their personal journey to meeting Jesus.”

It’s been a few hours since I parted ways from those two ladies and squeezed into an extremely crowded bus, waving goodbye with one hand and maintaining a death grip on the roasted sweet potato they bought me off the street with the other. I still can’t fully comprehend, or believe, the richness of what I experienced today. Who would have ever thought that I would be in China walking in public with two Chinese believers as they talk freely and openly about their faith? Definitely not me....

Complete. Deep. Infinate ~Date Unknown

This morning is blue-fully clear as honking horns from the morning traffic float up to me on the 18th floor. Surrounding our building are countless other apartment complexes attempting, most in vain, to challenge the 29 floors stacked up to make this one. I look out over the street and just beyond a small park the Yellow Sea stretches endlessly before me. This will be my home for the next 5 weeks. Incredible.

One of the greatest things about this place, besides the view :), is our whole group being together. Yep, all 11 of us split between two rooms, a small kitchen, and one bathroom, which should definitely be interesting. The room I’m in, along with the other 5 girls, doubles as a community room. Two oversized couches frame the tall windows opposite our bunk beds, giving way to a single glass door leading out to the balcony, where I sit now. The structure of this morning is no different from the others before it. We all crawled out of bed for an early breakfast together, proceeding to shuffle through bathroom turns in a somewhat orderly fashion (“BATHROOM ANYONE?!”), and on into the girl room for teamtime; one of many to come. What will mark this morning in my mind and heart is what I begin to feel as I look out across the street into the park.

Each morning, about this same time, a group of older Chinese men and women dance in the park. You can see anything from the tango, to classic ballroom dancing to, “I not quite sure what that guy’s doing, but ‘good job’ to him for going for it....” It’s fun to watch. I’ve been watching them for a few minutes and I get blasted with this weighty revelation. GOD LOVES THEM. NO, HE REALLY LOVES THEM. Each and every one of them. He. Loves. Them. His heart burns so deeply and they have no idea.... They just dance away, twirling one another round and round, sometimes for exercise and other times for enjoyment. God is probably the furthest thing from their minds right now, and yet that doesn’t change the fact that HE LOVES EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. It doesn’t even matter that they may not know ever come to know Him. He LOVES them WHERE they are, AS they are. Wow.

It seems so simple and matter of fact, but to actually get to feel a sprinkle of that love for someone; to feel HIS love for THEM. It’s enough to wreck a person. I know it did me. I shared this with my team when we met back together but hardly got started before I just broke down. This overwhelming sense of His love for others moved me to tears (and I am not much of a crier. God, however, is softening my heart :). I can’t imagine loving someone, anyone, so completely and deeply, so infinitely, especially without knowing if that love will be reciprocated. Yet that is how He loves. And His love doesn’t change. It is, has been, and will always be. Complete. Deep. Infinite. FREE. He can’t turn it off, even when we turn Him off. And to take this even further, that powerful revelation of His depth for those Chinese people is the same deep love He has for me, and for YOU. Whoa. We “know” this, but do we believe it? And by believing it do we allow ourselves to receive it? And in receiving do we let it into our day so it changes how we see ourselves and others, ultimately changing how we live? I really hope so.

After this experience I am more convinced not just of the power of God’s love, but of my need to learn more of to what this love is. Maybe a new prayer can be “Lord, help me learn to love the ways you love. To have as complete of a love as me, a broken human can have, and to love in ways that are deeply infinite. To love in ways that are pure and heavenly.” I’m not sure I know what that means or will look like, but from the little bit He’s shown me I now know it too good not to pursue in one way or another.

An Apology

Well, it is with a heavy heart that I start this entry. One of my goals when I began this blog was to keep it updated, and since the last post came on the 27th of August, 2010, it is clear I have fallen way way short of that goal and I am sorry.... However, be not dismayed! a new year is upon us and I am more inspired than ever. Originally my delay in posts was due to the fact that Blogspot, along with Facebook and Youtube, was blocked in China. People told me it could be accessed through a proxy site, but since security was something we needed to keep in mind it seemed best to just wait till I got back to the states. But then I got back and our debrief week, the student’s graduation and approaching holidays swept me right away with it. Good news! is it has finally set me back down and here I am, a month later, getting back at it :).

Our China team returned to Kona on the 12th of December, and spent the next 2 days resting and beginning to recover from the 18 hr time difference (18 hours ahead, meaning we were living in the future! So cool!) It was great to be back together with everyone and it felt like we were picking up right where we’d left off. Like there was never any time spent apart, which is pretty telling about the bond created within our school. Slowly, powerful stories from each team began to circulate, and I was reminded that as short as three months may seem it is plenty of time for God to move, and for lives to be changed all over the world.

My desire over these next couple weeks is to bring you some of the experiences from my time in China, and to do my best to share what God had for our team during the three months we were there. It was an amazing time, to say the least. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I stepped on that plane heading to China, but I look back and can’t see it having been any better than it was. God blessed us with unity and joy as a team, and also relationally as he gifted us with deep friendships in short amounts of time.

I kept a journal pretty regularly and that is where a majority of these next posts will come until I am up to date. There’s some pretty exciting stuff coming on the wings of 2011 and I can’t wait to share it. But first, about China!! :)

Simply Extraordinary

The weeks are flying by. It's crazy. These last two were full of researching and filling out visa forms, preparing budgets for outreach and feeble attempts to organize some type of a schedule for our time China. All great things, but all also enough to make this girl more than enthusiastic about receiving the weekend, and two days off coming with it. Usually, I spend a good portion (five hours minimum) of one of those days at Starbucks, a “work” day I like to call it, so this last weekend was no different. Or so I thought (Insert suspenseful music here...)

Since I don’t have a vehicle here I tend to do alot of walking. Hitchhiking is an option, just not one I’ve accustomed myself too. Something about being alone and finally coming to terms with the fact that I am not as indestructible as I'd like to think. Anyway, the walk isn’t bad, a little over a mile, and takes me about twenty minutes depending on the pace I assume. The only reason I share this apparently insignificant information is because it will be essential in helping you grasp the beauty of how my seemingly ordinary day became simply extraordinary.

Money was tight, atleast in terms of what I had on me as I walked. Five one dollar bills and a gift card with $2.87 left on it. Also, it is important to point out that things here, in Hawaii, are a bit higher in price than the mainland, and being so I found myself with an unfortunate conundrum. I was concerned about the length of time I wanted to spend at Starbucks equally my ability to milk a drink for all it was worth, meaning the length of time I hoped to be there. If my drink cup was emptied, say about two hours in, and I knew I had another 3 hours or so to go, a strange sense of guilt would begin to form within me followed closely by a subtle paranoia of which I would unintentionally direct towards each barista and their eyes of "condemnation," internet “mooch” and “corner table waster”... Yea, yea, so this may seem a bit dramatic, but don’t deny there are times you’ve felt guilty sitting in a place without having purchased something... or you have purchased something but you have since finished it, yet remain in your chair enjoying the hard seat and straight back... Alright, now we are on the same page (atleast literally, if you are still confused...)

As soon as I began my walk I dropped my identity of English major, temporarily I assure you, and naively picked up the role of mathematician (for future reference, I do not recommend this) and so for the next twenty-ish minutes I pondered how to get my Grande Caramel Frappeccino with two shots of espresso, a drink costing $6 minimum, while leaving change to get a regular coffee for $1.50 and maybe even a refill for 50 cents (tax was not included in my mathematics, I had to draw the line somewhere...) By the time I arrived at Starbucks, back sweat and all, I had yet to come to a solution of how to make my financials match my desires. And so I spent the first 40 minutes upon arrival pretending to read, but really just trying to figure out my life. Finally, with a huge sigh and a heavy step I approached the register.


Barista 2 –“ I like your headband”

Me- “Ahhhh, thanks!”

Pause

Me to Barista 1- “How much is a shot of espresso?

Barista 1- “70 cents”

Me- forlorn “Oh, hmmm, so two shots would be $1.40 then huh?”
I wasn’t kidding about practicing my math during the walk, good thing too... came in handy at this point in the convo)

Barista 1 – “Something like that, plus tax”

Me- “And a cup of coffee is around 1.50?”

Barista 1- “Yea...”

Me- sighing, “Ok...... I would like Grande Frapp with one shot espresso, please”
(*important note- I had wanted two shots, because I very much enjoy the stronger coffee flavor paired with the medium sized Caramel Frappe, however, I could have gotten the smaller size with just one shot and the flavor balance would have been comparable. BUT since I hadn’t had dinner I chose to sacrifice flavor for quantity... therefore ordering the medium with one shot... Anyway, carrying on ;)


After placing my order, and paying Barista 1, I took a seat and began to wait for my drink. They had written my name on the cup, so after a few short minutes (way better than “long minutes”- those are the worst) “Erica” rang out and I raised my eyes towards the pickup counter. What I saw was something unexpected and at the same time extraordinary. Something tall, tan and beautiful. Yes, a Caramel Frappeccino, like I had ordered, but this one came in the form of a Vente, which for those unfamiliar with Starbucks lingo, is a size larger than I ordered. As neared the counter, trying to conceal my smiles, Barista 2 learned over,


Barista 2 – “I snuck that extra shot in there for you”

Me – Smile, Smile, SMILE “Thank you” SMILE


I gingerly grabbed my drink, smiles breaking free at last, and returned to my dimly lit seat in the corner, thinking to myself over and over, “This is the best day of my life. I am the luckiest girl alive... ”

Alright, now, all excessively unnecessary, yet highly enjoyable, dramatic tones set aside and genuine sincerity retrieved, this was a big deal. I had just spent the last hour of my life, ridiculously I realize, worrying over how to make my unwavering desire to get what I wanted come true, two shots of espresso in my drink of choice, while leaving change enough to get a regular coffee for the walk home. I know I know, I could have sucked it up and gotten a plain coffee or no extra shots of espresso and it would have had plenty... The point is that I had a desire, a small insignificant and rather superfluous in the scheme of life, and yet there was God knowing how much I wanted that extra shot. How much it would mean to me. Simple, I know... But that’s what makes it so amazing. There I was, about to settle for one and He chose to simply bless me, to show his love for me and to give me that little desire regardless of how insignificant it might seem to most. I guess it just reminded me of how deep His love is.

I’ve often heard people say that God delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, but my mind usually goes to things like marriage, a house, a new car or a dependable job. You know the “big” things in life. However, that extra shot helped me realize He saw my desire, in all its simplicity, and delighted in giving to me just as much as anything else... Well, maybe not just as much, but a whole lot :)

I hope that as you go through this next week, month, year, you begin to notice the little things God is giving you, and that you are overwhelmed with a revelation of His love for you as I was. Trust me, it moves your day from ordinary to extraordinary in no time :)
Alright friends, this story wouldn’t be complete without a picture..

So, here it is. Tall, tan and beautiful....

Sunset sharing

Aloha friends! I wanted to share a sunset with your and give you a few updates on my life these days so here's a 6ish min video for ya :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upucrikK2Dc

Apoligies in advance, the vid's a bit dark, guess that means you can enjoy the background more ;)

Mike, or Michael

Ok, warning, this post is a bit long... but it’s about a night that is too cool not to share ( I started writing about it a few weeks ago then fell victim to business and forgot to finish it, until tonight... )


Rain. Beautifully soothing rain drops fall gently outside my window as I type this. Rain has become a common happening during our school. I keep hearing people say “it never rains this much!” and yet it seems that God is fit to bless us with rain. Each day He comes, moving in undeniably real ways the rain follows. It comes as a marker, at the end of the day, a seal over our experiences and renewed awareness of His being. I didn’t think it was possible to love rain more than I already did, but then again I didn’t think I would ever be going to China either...




Yesterday was Tuesday, and each Tuesday evening, after dinner, we come together with our students for something called Community Outreach, a euphemism for what is more commonly labeled “Evangelism Night” (atleast during my DTS years ago). As one may imagine, this night is not always met with the most welcoming of receptions. Something about the idea of “evangelism” sends our insides into a tizzy and stirs up all kinds of awkward.


So, tonight as the students began to fill into the pavilion around 6:30 it did not take long to notice morale was low, very low. Whatever it was, we all felt it. As I looked around the room it was disheartening to notice these heavy feelings seeming to blanket everyone, almost as if a dark cloud settled over the room sprinkling feelings of despondency on top of each one of us. Perhaps the most challenging part was that in about thirty minutes we would be leaving campus to enter the community hoping to pray for those in need and share the message of Christ; a message that proclaims freedom, and promises the exact opposite of what was being conveyed in that room.
A couple of the guys began to play music and Kat, one of our female staff leaders, stepped to the microphone and voiced what we were all feeling, “Something is not right.” She said this heaviness, this oppression, could only be explained as a resistance to what was awaiting us on the other side. A weak attempt to discourage us from entering the community and being a part of impacting the lives of God’s dear ones; those he cares desperately about and longed to embellish his love upon through us.


Once she finished we all broke into groups of two to four, and after a few minutes of seeking the Lord in prayer Lauren, one of the girls I get to meet with weekly, and I set out. As we walked we discussed whether or not we believed God was speaking anything specific to us about who we were to encounter. I mumbled something about the word “hemlock” and seeing the picture of some odd V shaped thing. I had no idea what either meant, if anything, but I figured I’d throw them out there anyway because really, what did I have to lose? Lauren replied with, “I got Mike, or Michael, but I’m not sure if that’s from the Lord or my own mind.” We decided regardless of whether or not these things meant anything we would try to be an encouragement to people we talked to.


One of the first people we came upon was Joleen, a woman who worked at McDonalds up the road from our campus. She was on her thirty-minute break so we decided to take a few of those minutes to thank her hard work, and for serving us (at times campus food is a not the most appetizing so us YWAMers have been known to frequent the Mickey D’s). After that we kept walking along the road, ocean on our left, shops on our right. We were about ready to cross over to busier side, but for whatever reason we stayed on our current side for another block. As we walked I noticed this guy, who looked to be in his twenties, coming towards us with a small book in his hands. It was completely dark by this time so he had the book raised up towards his face, catching the light from the street lamps. I love books so my curiosity was sparked instantly. I had to find out what he was reading. I mean come on, it to be good if he was willing to read it not just while walking, but in the darkness on the narrowest park of the road moving towards oncoming traffic. He lifted his head to my inquiry and met our eyes with one of the happiest smiles I’ve ever seen. “Tao Te Ching. My favorite. I’ve been reading it over and again for the past three years.” He was a bit surprised to learn neither Lauren nor I had read it. We asked him to share his favorite page with us, talked a bit about what he was in Kona for, what we were in Kona for and a some other random things, then Lauren mentioned something about my Birthday being the next day and he stretched out his arm, book in hand, “Here you go, an early Birthday gift.” His favorite book. A companion that had traveled alongside him for the last three years, and now he was handing it over to someone he’d known for barely ten minutes. Wow. People have a hard enough time giving things away to people they know, nonetheless someone they’ve just met.


After talking for a while longer I realized we’d never asked his name, or told him ours. So we introduced ourselves and asked his name, “Mike, or Michael.” Lauren gasped out loud and covered her mouth with surprise. He introduced himself the exact way she had shared as we were discussing whether or not we felt God laying things or people on our hearts that night. Her words, “I got Mike or Michael, but I’m not sure I’m making it up or it’s from God.”Pretty safe to say that one was from God. So much for my hemlock and weird V thing... Haha, I wish I could have seen how big our smiles were because I’m convinced our faces were just barely wide enough to contain them.


We hung out with Mike, or Michael ;), for a bit longer that night hitting up some Mcdonald’s with a few other YWAM students. So, as if the “Mike, or Michael thing wasn’s enough as I stood in line Lauren, who had been in the bathroom, flies over to me and asks if I had lotion on. It caught me a bit off guard. I assured her that no, I didn’t have any lotion on, or makeup since I was coming off a make-up fast, then asked her why. “You have gold dust all over your arms and chest!” I knew she wasn’t kidding because her face was beaming uncontrollably, and then she showed me her own glittering arms. It was the craziest thing! Both of us had shimmering gold dust all over our upper bodies, and mine was on my shoulders and even under the straps of my tank top. Insane. After a bit of a giggle fest we tried to compose ourselves by getting food. We had a round of sundaes, shakes and fries and great conversations with our new friend about what the Discipleship Training School is and the power of being a part of something bigger than yourself. It was so relaxed and free. Mike told us that after having lived on the island two years this conversation was the first of its kind, and we were the first group he had ever felt so comfortable around. God touched us that night.


Something else that I didn’t realize, until later, was the significance of the book he gave me. I was trying to learn a bit about it and here’s what I found... I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but here I go using Wikipedia as a reference (Massive no no as and English Major, but I’m doing it... judge me all you want;),


“The Tao Te Ching is fundamental to the Philosophical Taoism and strongly influenced other schools, such as Legalism and Neo-Confucianism. This ancient book is also central in Chinese religion, not only for Religious Taoism but Chinese Buddhism, which when first introduced into China was largely interpreted through the use of Taoist words and concepts. Many Chinese artists, including poets, painters, calligraphers, and even gardeners have used the Tao Te Ching as a source of inspiration. Its influence has also spread widely outside East Asia, aided by hundreds of translations into Western languages.”


Not only had he gifted me his favorite book, but he had given me something that carried with it great significance in the Chinese culture, which would be great for someone going to China... Oh wait, I’m going to China! Yea, whoa. Out of ALL the books, he gives me one that holds importance for me for China... :)



So there you have it, a night full of God once again. All the heaviness that plagued the beginning hours of Community Outreach was long gone and those feelings of despondency were washed away with another night of rain. It was a beautiful night, thanks for reading this doozy of post and sharing this experience with me :)

Freedom Rained

Tonight we had an open time of worship. I joined about twenty minutes in, just as the sprinkles of rain started turning to heavier drops. I love rain. I love the feeling of it on my face and arms, and sound each drop makes as they land on the ground, a roof or someone’s windshield. Lately though, I’ve come to love it even more for the symbolism it brings with it. Cleansing and washing away the old. Hope of transformation and new life for each living thing it falls upon.

It took me a few minutes before I let myself step out of the pavilion (our class room with three of the four sides open and exposed to the outdoors) and into the pouring raining. As the rain kissed each cheek I felt this release in my spirit. I felt free to let go of what people were doing around me and and free to liberate the desire to sing and dance unabashedly. I think it important to inform the reader of the fact that my singing and dancing leave much to be desired, atleast by this world’s standards, which makes this an even more exciting.

At dinner a girl, whom I’ve never met, serving in the line tonight stopped me as I passed through and said, “I felt like when I saw you I was supposed to tell you that God enjoys the worship you bring him.” Funny, because I feel quite ridiculous most of the time, especially with each voice crackle and inability to sing in any sort of correct key. I guess that was all I needed to hear and be reminded of and God knew it. That it doesn’t matter how I look or sound. All that matters is the state of my heart and that I respond accordingly. So, hooray for tonight :) I responded accordingly and my soaking clothes bear witness to that.

After this freeing time of worship I stopped by a Kazak friend’s room. Before I even got to the room I could hear the sounds of Arabic music booming through her windows. I ran up the stairs and was greeted with a site that instantly brought me back to my days in Jordan. Shoes lined up outside the door, a table full of food and drinks, and a group of girls dancing with scarves wrapped around their hips. I spent the next hour “dancing,” or trying to do something of that manner, with a combination of people I knew and people I didn’t know. In a circle made up of seven of us, six nations were represented, Egypt, Samoa, Kazakhstan, Korea, Tajikistan and the US, and I loved every minute of it. At times I feel more at home among foreigners than I do other Americans. This was very well one of those times. No one minded if I could dance well or not, we just enjoyed the music and having that time together. We American's need more of this kind of thing in our lives....


**** I found the above picture online, and it is befittingly called “Blooming in the rain." I enjoy it quite a lot.