Longing Heart : Amsterdam wk 1

All my soul is pleading for.

It's been three days since we first set foot in Amsterdam, and our bodies are still associating too closely for my liking with jet lag. I remember hearing somewhere that you should expect one day for every hour of difference in time before you may, or may not, pass over the mountain that is irregular sleep. So for us that means seven days... Almost there.

Each day we've chosen a destination and ventured out into the city. Day one took us to a cafe started by YWAM years back, day two the kitchen we'll use should we get ambitious beyond the realms of microwave or toaster oven. And today, day three, led us towards The Tabernacle, YWAM Amsterdam's prayer room quietly nestled a street over from the heart of the Red Light District.

We had plans to meet a friend of Eli's, who lives above the prayer room, for dinner and left early enough to give us plenty of time. We anticipated it would be a good little walk from where we were staying, but we didn't anticipate getting lost and ending up in right in the middle of the Red Light district. My eyes have never become as accustomed with the ground as they did today. It's interesting, no matter what you hear, nothing can prepare you for what you see. I find it hard to know how to respond to an experience like today. It seemed strangely easy to disconnect myself.

 Amidst the weight of shock, confusion, and brokenness there is an surrealism that surrounds the fact that this is "life" for so many people. Whether it be women advertising themselves in the windows or the a running the Marijuana store around the corner. This is normal. This is "another day at the office." This is life.

In between figuring out where we needed to go, and trying to keep my eyes directed away from as much as possible, I remember reaching into my purse to check my phone for the time. As I pulled it from my bag music was softly playing. Some time along the way, although it was locked, shuffle had begun and random songs were coming together to make a playlist of their own. I pushed pause, made a mental note of what song it had last been on (wanting to go back later and listen to it,) curious as whether it would apply somehow to that moment in the Red Light District. Then I gingerly tucked it away in the side pocket where it had been before.

After over an hour and a half of hunting we found our destination and spent the next few hours eating homemade Thai food, Dutch sweets and learning to play Dutch blitz. Cultures seemed to came together well tonight.

After spending most of the evening with Eli's friend we made our way back to the base in about a fourth of the time it took us to get there. Rain had just started tapping its presence against our window as walked up four flights of stairs and finally to our room. When I pulled out my phone I was reminded of the song, still on hold, from when we'd made our way out of one of that well-known sinister area of Amsterdam. The song was one I don't think I've ever listened too, even thoughI own it... Jeremy Camp's "Longing Heart" from his Carried Me worship album.

“What can separate us
From the love of Jesus Christ
Nothing this world can even change
The thought I once was lost
But now been given grace
It's a mystery that I will not chase

                                          you, you, you, all this heart is longing for
                                           Jesus, you are all my soul is pleading for

                                                                                       What can separate us
                                                                                       From the love of Jesus Christ
                                                                      Nothing in this world can even change
                                                                                       The thought I once was lost
                                                                                        But now been given grace
                                                                                        It's a mystery I will not chase

                                             I don't understand it
                                      How you love the way you do
                      Even when I've fallen
                                                   You always lift me up to you.”

As I listen to these lyrics I wonder if any of the people I passed tonight ever imagined life bringing them to this place. I wonder how many dreams were lost here, how many lives stolen, hopes dashed, and hearts deceived. But, I also am left wondering at the amazing Love of God. I wonder at the way He sees each person who works in or passes through the Red Light Disctrict just as He sees me. I wonder at how His love runs as deep for them as it does for me, and nothing can hide or separate them from that love. Oh, that one day they would know that love. His Love.

                              And oh, that one day I could learn to carry that Love. To carry His Love.

Redding, CA. Baptism

Bethel Church. A wild and crazy, joy-filled place, completely off my radar until last June that is, when I came on staff with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). This was the second to last stop on our road trip across the US. Many people I’ve met over the last year in Kona have either read book by or listen to podcasts from Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson (pastors at Bethel), been through their internship or classes, or attended a weekend service. So, it is safe to say that even though it was fairly “new” in my world a lot had been built up about it. There were tales of miraculous healings and outbursts of joyous laughter than lasted for extended periods of time. When it came down to it, none of us knew what would be waiting for us when we got there, and baptisms were perhaps one of the last things I was expecting.

I was baptized as an infant by my grandfather LeRoy, a Lutheran Pastor whose parents emigrated from Norway when he was a small child. I had friends who were baptized in their “later” years, but beyond these two instances I, myself, had not put much thought into baptism really at all. It wasn’t that I was against either in any way. I supposed I just didn’t understand baptism well enough to create much of an opinion. More recently I’ve had friends share about it being a “public declaration” of faith and commitment to Jesus. Which is a very cool thing, but when Jesus is baptized in Matthew 3 He doesn’t any sort of declaration. Rather, when John questions why he came to him to be baptized, rather than the other way around, Jesus responds with, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness” (v. 15b). So that makes me wonder if there is more to baptism than “salvation” or “declarations of faith.” Another interesting thing about Jesus’ baptism is once he comes up out of the water “heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lightning upon him” (v. 16b). Notice how it says “like and dove” and not “as a dove.” Interesting. For some reason I always pictured a dove landing on his shoulder... probably attributed to the Flying House or Super Book cartoons I watched growing up.... How amazing that Jesus talks about righteousness before he is baptized and after He is baptized he sees HEAVEN OPEN UP! WHAT!? “Um yes, I would like to be baptized please, thank you.” Yes, I definitely think there is more to being baptized that we can even know.

A few days before we arrived in Redding I mentioned something to my friend Andrew about baptism and how I since being an adult had not, but was starting to feel like maybe I should... We got into Redding on a Friday, and went to one of the services at Bethel that following evening. And wouldn’t you know it, before the service an announcement about baptisms flashed across the screen. As we walked back to our van after the service Andrew asked if I wanted to do it, and I suddenly felt all nervous about saying yes, but said yes anyway. So, it was with that same apprehension and nervousness that I stepped into a large empty chair lined room a few minutes before 5 pm on Sunday, April 10th, our last night in Redding. One of Bethel’s requirements for baptisms is an hour long informational class to help educate people more the act and meaning behind it. I sat down off to the side and slowly others began trickling in with a change of clothes in one arm and a towel in the other. It was reassuring to know I wasn’t alone. Surprisingly, the nervousness didn’t leave as the people came, perhaps because I didn’t know anyone of them. But, as I think back it was actually was a good thing, a humbling thing. I realized it’s good every now and then to feel like the “new guy” and a little unsure of yourself. I think it helps our ability to relate to others when they step into that place and we’ve stepped out of it. The class was good, helpful and freeing, and no one told me they were “worried about my salvation because I had not been baptized” (insert scene from Nacho Libre here). Publicly declaring your membership in the Kingdom of heaven, symbolically dying to death (the old life) and rising to life (new life), in Christ were a couple of the reasons they shared behind importance of baptism along with receiving the Holy Spirit. They sent around a baptism signup sheet and we all lined up along the stairs leading to the stage in the sanctuary. The sanctuary. A room filled with over 500 people. I new 6 of them. Intimidated would be an minor understatement.
As I stood on the top of the stairs, waiting to set foot on the stage before a sea of unknown faces, I remembered my heavenly Father. I remembered who I stand before first and foremost, my God and only my God. Then I got all excited, which may have been partially attributed to the thumping Rocky style music being played by the band, and stepped up with joy, excited to be the first baptized before this crowd of witnesses.

I stepped onto the stage and into the baptismal hot tub :), kneeled down and left the old behind to take on the new ahead. Coming out of the water was the most amazing feeling. Every part of me felt relaxed, and I had the most overwhelming sense of peace surround me. As I came out of the water my ears met the sounds of hundreds of fellow believers clapping and cheering me on. Regardless of all my initial nervousness I woudn’t have had it any other way.

Bethel was the last church we visited on our US road trip and I feel so blessed to have been able to share this piece of my life with this place.

Kansas City, MO. Practicing Perseverance

I was flipping through a note book of mine the other day and came across two pages scribbled with purple ink I written late one night in Kansas City, Missouri. I'd forgotten about them until now. I do have a journal that I am trying to be more faithful in using, but for whatever reason a couple sheets of college ruled paper seemed to suit me better this night. We spent four nights in KC, three of which I felt led to spend in the IHOP prayer room. For three nights I laid down something very dear to me, my sleep, and picked up something very dear to the Lord, spending intentional time in His presence. I've been wanting to develop in the area of perseverance and this was a great way for me to start. Here are some of my thoughts from night two.

Practicing Perseverance

“It is by the grace of God that I got through this last hour. 3:06 am on what is now Thursday, March 10th. This is the second night, of what I feel will be three nights, in the prayer room at IHOP Kansas City. Last night Haley and I were in here from 8:45 pm to 5 am. It started as somewhat of a joke, “We should just go to the prayer room and stay there all night!” [We had a meeting with a man, Bob Hartley, the following morning at 6:45 am, which is pretty early, and decided we should just pull an all nighter than go...].

I had planned to sleep in the afternoon to prepare for night two. Unfortunately, for a few different reasons, that didn’t go quite as expected. A 45 minute nap was all I managed to get in before more meetings and round two. It wasn’t until 10:45 pm that I got in here. But oh man was I feeling it by 1 am. “There is no way I can make it to 5 am.” Somehow, between a few bathroom runs, an outing outside in 35 degree weather, and eating an apple in an attempt to shake the sleepiness off of me, I made it to 2 am. Truth be known I dozed off a few times along the way... Not sure what that looked like, but hopefully I managed to keep my saliva in this time as opposed to other times when I apparently felt the need to share it with the rest of the world around me.

After waking up for the 5th or 6th time I was feeling pretty defeated and convinced I could not make it through the next two hours. “Just go back, get a couple of extra sleep and go at it again tomorrow night.” As I continued to wrestle with what to do I heard to word “perseverance” leave the lips of one of the singers, followed closely by “Grace to follow through... when I set my heart to obey, meet me with grace” and “helper, help me.” Haha, at first I thought “helper” was “help her” and then I was really about to explode. It may not have been “help her” but it did help me.

The time is now 4:21 and I am reminded of God’s extravagant love and the worthiness of the lamb that was slain. After this, I am beginning to believe more and more that if God calls you to do something He will give you the grace to do it. It may not be easy, but He will make a way. He is a gentle helper who cares more about my cause than I do.”

Those three days were pretty amazing, and tiring ;) But so good. If you’re unfamiliar with IHOP or their 24/7 prayer room (IHOP = International House of Prayer, not pancakes;) you can check out their online live stream that runs all day every day at: (http://www.ihop.org/Articles/1000058181/The_Prayer_Room.aspx ).

*** Also, if you want to hear more about this week in Kansas City you can follow this link have a listen to me share more about it. It was definitely a highlight week for me with too much to fit into one blog. The video’s a little long but it’s a cool way for me to literally tell you about what God did that week. So, for whoever’s interested here’s the link :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVFhxY8pZ_c If you watch it, thanks :) if you don’t, hey, it's ok! :)