I need your help.

I had a dream.

Over the past few months I’ve been led into a very essential revelation. There are some lies I’ve let seep sneakily into my life. Worst part isn’t the seeping, it’s that I actually “cleaned” them up and began to carry them along with me wherever I went. After spending some time pondering this dilemma I have come to one essential conclusion. I. Am. Over. It.

I am done carrying those lies. I’m done believing them, letting them influence who I am and how I live my life. I am done. Hooray! So, here friends are some of those nasty little fellas and how I’ve been working to overcome them.

LIE #1 : “I can’t paint because I’m not “good” at it.” Blasted that one out of the water a few weeks ago with some cardboard I swiped from an old dumpster accompanied by cheap paint from Walmart.  Here's the tree I cut out, AND painted, to decorate my wall :)

LIE #2 : "I am not a 'creative writer.'" Check out the blog I posted on June 5, 2011 to see how I wrestled that one down to the ground.  

LIE #3 : “I am not a dreamer. I don’t have any dreams about my future.” This one is HUGE, and I had no idea how greatly it loomed over me, until last night. Let me explain...

I sat lazily on the couch in the living of my apartment soaking up the glory of a quiet Saturday night. A new friend from London, sat on the couch to my left, and another new friend, from Canada, sat on the floor in front of me gingerly painting her nails. “I want to know your story,” she said. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for so I ask for some clarification, and upon receiving that I proceeded to share a bit about my personal background and family.

“Ok... so, where do you see yourself in three years... Married, kids, in a specific ministry, or certain nation?” she excitedly asked. That question made me stop. It always does. For so long I’ve lived under a 3-6 month policy, with one eight month exception mixed in there for some extra flavor. Up until a year ago my future “plans” were usually limited to the number of fingers of my hands, each on representing a month, not year. Then YWAM (Youth with a Mission – http://www.uofnkona.edu/) hit me and I found myself scribbling down “2 years” in the commitment section of an application (which, a year ago seemed like a big, big deal). So, as I sat there thinking about how to respond, something began to stir inside me. My mind brought back to some wandering thoughts I'd had earlier that morning, and earlier this week.  “Well, it’s doesn’t really have to do with anything I’m doing right now, and it’s a bit random... but really love music. I have no talent, but I love music. For years I've thought it would be amazing to go on tour or manage/promote a band. And, along with that I’ve been thinking about how I wish I would have picked up an instrument years ago... This week especially the desire’s came up to learn to play the guitar. So yea....” They both looked and me and almost simultaneously asked, “And you think it’s too late for that?” I laid my head on the back of the couch and felt this foreign rush of emotions rise up in me as the words, “Yea, kinda...” left my lips. I was pretty sure tears were soon to follow. “It’s never too late for something like that.” Those eight words gifted so pure and genuinely to me activated something in my heart. It felt as if a key turned in my heart and a door long hidden, and forgotten, began to open. A fresh excitement starting swirling deep inside me.

It seems like such a small thing and I can hardly describe it in words, but a dream was released last night, the first in a long long time, and so many more have already taken flight along with it. I have no idea where this will go, and I do understand learning guitar isn’t easy.  But if this is what it takes to awaken more dreams, and open more doors in my heart, I am all for it. So, that being said in 2.5 hours I have my first guitar lesson. Which leads me to share another a lie I realized I was living.

LIE #4: “I am a passive person.” I can be mellow yes, but passive no longer. I’m working on shattering this lie by a.) actually beginning to learn guitar, not just talk about it  b.) committing to it in writing and in public, meaning I am now accountable to others, and therefore must share my journey.

So exciting! One final thing to leave you with... This morning I was sharing with a friend about this dreaming business and this Priscilla Ahn song came on the Pandora station I was listening to. I haven’t heard any of her music before, but this song hit me, especially since right after I shared my "dream" with another friend these lyrics flowed into my ears, “ I had a dream, that I could fly from the highest swing. I had a dream.” Bam. Here's the video and below are the lyrics for it, I hope it inspires you like it did me :)

 

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream