A peek.

Well... Here it is. Thirty more minutes in the Dulles airport then my crew of 9 students and a co leader board a plane to Belgium, then to Ethiopia, then finally on to Uganda. We arrive sometime Saturday evening and have been invited to speak at the morning and evening services of a church in Kampala the following morning. Nothing like hitting the ground running, and we can't wait!  Monday will be full of adventures as we work on getting our visas for S. Sudan then plan to catch an overnight bus up and into the country. One of our contacts will met us at the boarder of Uganda and S. Sudan and travel up with us to Juba where we will catch a flight to Wau, the city we'll be spending the next 5 weeks in. Amazing. It's really really happening, after all the planning and preparation over the last three months we are now just a few plane rides away. More updates will come based on internet availability so stay tuned :).   Initially our contacts in S. Sudan have set up opportunities in schools in the area, a prison ministry, speaking in local churches and potentially government offices. My heart is beginning to burn for the people in these places and the chance of a life time where regardless of our backgrounds our lives will come together in unimaginable ways.  Somewhere around the end of October we will catch a bus back down to Uganda and spend the remainder of our time at the YWAM base in Arua. Flying back to the states December 10th.  I hope to update regularly, but if not here's a peak into what we will be up to. Blessings and thanks for all the prayers and support!  Here we go!

For Kari.

I'm sitting on a plane, the first of 6 I will be on over the course of the next few days, feasting my ears on Coldplay's new single "Paradise" and letting my mind wander.  

By Saturday these sun kissed feet of mine will be walking on African soil for the first time in their history on this earth. Africa. It all still feels so surreal...

It's wild to me that my first steps will be in the country of Uganda. I remember first really hearing about Uganda years ago when my younger sister, Kari, began supporting a non-profit called Invisible Children and their longing to counter act the monstrosity of children of all ages being kidnapped, brainwashed and forced to fight in wars they could hardly explain if asked. Her heart for the bruised and broken hearted blew me away. For some time Kari dreamed about interning with this organization, and one day traveling to Africa herself. And while her heart still burns for those things the Lord has lead her life down a different path, atleast for the time being... 

So, as I sit here thinking about all this, the past leading up to this point, and the future potential of what these next 3 months hold, I can't help but feel like I've robbed her of something, or maybe more like I've stolen something from her. Stolen her African dream. But then, as I think back on this last year of staffing with YWAM, I am reminded of something very special.... It is only when we close ourselves off to others that our dreams are "our" dreams. But when we open our hearts up they become so so much more. Dreams within the context of family, be it biological or relational, and community, powerfully move from "our" to "each others."  And the best part is people begin riding the wings of each other's dreams not because they lack of their own, but because they so love and believe in one another they willingly lay down their own dream to take up the dream of their friend or family members. Sounds a lot like something Jesus would do, and I love that. 

So now, instead of sitting here thinking I've stolen something, I am realizing that I actually am becoming part of something. I am becoming part of my sister's dream to see a nation changed, to see hope restored, to see life renewed and justice restored.

I know I don't know all, or maybe even any, of the answers and can't bring in solutions to Africa's problems, but I can testify of someone who does and can. Someone who goes before me, alongside me and long after me. What a hopeful revelation when we realize we aren't on our own, when we realize someone has come alongside us and that we no longer walk alone.... Hmmm.

Ok, enough with the rambles. To my sister. To Kari. I want you to know that I will always walk with you and for you, and as I take steps through Africa over these next months I will walk on behalf of you and in support of you. I believe in the dreams God has placed in your heart, and hope to be a part of them whenever I can.   I feel blessed beyond words to know that I am about to walk into not only your dream, but God's...

  "into the stormy night she flies, dreaming  para-para-paradise..." -- Coldplay "Paradise"

I need your help.

I had a dream.

Over the past few months I’ve been led into a very essential revelation. There are some lies I’ve let seep sneakily into my life. Worst part isn’t the seeping, it’s that I actually “cleaned” them up and began to carry them along with me wherever I went. After spending some time pondering this dilemma I have come to one essential conclusion. I. Am. Over. It.

I am done carrying those lies. I’m done believing them, letting them influence who I am and how I live my life. I am done. Hooray! So, here friends are some of those nasty little fellas and how I’ve been working to overcome them.

LIE #1 : “I can’t paint because I’m not “good” at it.” Blasted that one out of the water a few weeks ago with some cardboard I swiped from an old dumpster accompanied by cheap paint from Walmart.  Here's the tree I cut out, AND painted, to decorate my wall :)

LIE #2 : "I am not a 'creative writer.'" Check out the blog I posted on June 5, 2011 to see how I wrestled that one down to the ground.  

LIE #3 : “I am not a dreamer. I don’t have any dreams about my future.” This one is HUGE, and I had no idea how greatly it loomed over me, until last night. Let me explain...

I sat lazily on the couch in the living of my apartment soaking up the glory of a quiet Saturday night. A new friend from London, sat on the couch to my left, and another new friend, from Canada, sat on the floor in front of me gingerly painting her nails. “I want to know your story,” she said. I wasn’t sure what she was looking for so I ask for some clarification, and upon receiving that I proceeded to share a bit about my personal background and family.

“Ok... so, where do you see yourself in three years... Married, kids, in a specific ministry, or certain nation?” she excitedly asked. That question made me stop. It always does. For so long I’ve lived under a 3-6 month policy, with one eight month exception mixed in there for some extra flavor. Up until a year ago my future “plans” were usually limited to the number of fingers of my hands, each on representing a month, not year. Then YWAM (Youth with a Mission – http://www.uofnkona.edu/) hit me and I found myself scribbling down “2 years” in the commitment section of an application (which, a year ago seemed like a big, big deal). So, as I sat there thinking about how to respond, something began to stir inside me. My mind brought back to some wandering thoughts I'd had earlier that morning, and earlier this week.  “Well, it’s doesn’t really have to do with anything I’m doing right now, and it’s a bit random... but really love music. I have no talent, but I love music. For years I've thought it would be amazing to go on tour or manage/promote a band. And, along with that I’ve been thinking about how I wish I would have picked up an instrument years ago... This week especially the desire’s came up to learn to play the guitar. So yea....” They both looked and me and almost simultaneously asked, “And you think it’s too late for that?” I laid my head on the back of the couch and felt this foreign rush of emotions rise up in me as the words, “Yea, kinda...” left my lips. I was pretty sure tears were soon to follow. “It’s never too late for something like that.” Those eight words gifted so pure and genuinely to me activated something in my heart. It felt as if a key turned in my heart and a door long hidden, and forgotten, began to open. A fresh excitement starting swirling deep inside me.

It seems like such a small thing and I can hardly describe it in words, but a dream was released last night, the first in a long long time, and so many more have already taken flight along with it. I have no idea where this will go, and I do understand learning guitar isn’t easy.  But if this is what it takes to awaken more dreams, and open more doors in my heart, I am all for it. So, that being said in 2.5 hours I have my first guitar lesson. Which leads me to share another a lie I realized I was living.

LIE #4: “I am a passive person.” I can be mellow yes, but passive no longer. I’m working on shattering this lie by a.) actually beginning to learn guitar, not just talk about it  b.) committing to it in writing and in public, meaning I am now accountable to others, and therefore must share my journey.

So exciting! One final thing to leave you with... This morning I was sharing with a friend about this dreaming business and this Priscilla Ahn song came on the Pandora station I was listening to. I haven’t heard any of her music before, but this song hit me, especially since right after I shared my "dream" with another friend these lyrics flowed into my ears, “ I had a dream, that I could fly from the highest swing. I had a dream.” Bam. Here's the video and below are the lyrics for it, I hope it inspires you like it did me :)

 

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream

Magnify

Here's a bit about one of the key revelations God gave me during my time in Amsterdam :)

July Update

I've got a testimony

Hey friends! Our first week of discipleship training school (DTS) has already flown by. It was a powerful week where each of our staff members shared their stories and a bit of the background from their spiritual journeys! Oh man, it was an amazing time of hearing testament after testament of the loving goodness of God and his faithfulness in each persons life. And one of the best parts is that all of these testimonies were recorded and are currently online for you to listen to right now! I encourage you to check them out. Here's the link to our staff page so you can put faces with names of >>> The Awaken Crew  and become more familiar with my staff family  :) If you would like to hear mine and what God laid on my heart to share you can hit >>> "Staff Testimonies : Day Two" - I am the second to last to share after a guy named Chris, and before a guy named Cody :)

Even greater news! All of our lectures for this upcoming Discipleship Training School will be recorded and put online for you to listen too! This is a fabulous way to stay connected with what I'm up to and join in on the teachings with us. So great :) If you are interested you can listen by one of two ways...


1) Heading over to our Awaken DTS page and checking out the podcast section     http://www.awakendts.com/ (http://www.awakendts.com/podcasts/)


or


2) subscribing (for free!) to our podcasts through iTunes. You can type Awaken DTS in the search bar and it brings it right up!

I would love to hear feedback from you all and am excited to have you all on board with me more and more each day!

Benches.

Here is my first attempt at creative writing :) but first a little background. A couple months ago, on our trip through the US, we (5 of my fellow YWAM staff members and I) passed through Sophia, North Carolina and were privileged enough to spend a few hours with the Helser family (http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/). As short as it may have been, just one night, our time with them left a lasting impression on my mind and heart. The morning we left they, Jonathan and Melissa Helser, took time to share about their 18inchjourney, one of the programs taking place on the 52 acres of beautiful backwoods land we’d stayed on. Their website describes it as “a school like no other, designed to unlock the greatness God has deposited inside you,”  and explains part of its creative vision as “A forage into the unknown depths of your own heart as you engage artistic expressions that will push you, challenge you, and draw you out.  Pursue your art with hands on experience in photography, writing, music, and poetry; explore new spaces in the recording studio, darkroom, and art studio.  Embrace an exploration of creativity the will unlock the rivers of sounds, colors, melodies, rhythms, and creativity deposited inside your heart.” There is so much more I could say about this time, but I’ve already written one previous post about pieces of it... All I will say now is that during one of my afternoons in Amsterdam I went outside to journal and collect my thoughts. I was so overwhelmed and aware, in a positive way, of everything going on around me. So many sounds, smells, feelings and things to see in one small area. As I sat, trying to take it all in, I was reminded of our time with the Helsers and their challenge to each us to explore the depths of our hearts, through language, through arts, through music, through whatever means we could think of. Explore for the sake of exploring. Allow the heart to be stimulated in ways beyond what we are used to, or comfortable with. Explore with expression of the heart your guide and motivator, rather than the pressure to produce a finished or people pleasing product. Explore the God given creativity deposited in the depths of each one of our hearts.

Let’s get personal. Yes, I majored in English. I love reading and writing, papers. I’ll write a paper and develop an argument to support whatever topic you give me, not matter how ridiculous. Seriously. But creative writing? Writing “that goes outside the bounds of normal professional, journalistic, academic, and technical forms of literature” (thank you Wikipedia for that definition...). Nope. “I don’t have that kind of imagination,” is what I found myself too often saying... Never before had I even dared journeying upon that road. Until now... I'm on a mission to redeem my imagination and creativity and so friends, it is without any further adieu, I share the first of what I hope to be one of many steps taken as I begin my own 18 inch journey, this time from my heart to this page.

I encourage you to delve deeper and access areas of your own heart previous left untouched. Forget about not being creative, imaginative, or talented enough. Close your mouth and open your heart. Forget what other people might say or think. Close out those voice and tune in His. Allow God to release the things he longs for you to embrace. He is the creator, meaning he is creative. And we were created in his likeness, meaning we also have to ability, given by God, to create. So, let’s get to it :)

Benches.

A man sits on a park bench to the right of me. Loyalty divided between a cigarette and the mouth piece of his telephone. I wonder, if given the right to choose, which of these two his lips would pledge their allegiance to.

            Empty wine glasses dance together as a waiter collects them from a now deserted table.

I sit on a park bench underneath a tall and slender tree. Its leaves verdantly boast over me of youth and life, proclaiming newness known only through the changing of seasons.

Voices unified in laugher lift themselves high into the air from the patio of the corner cafe.

A woman now sits on the park bench to the right of me. Off to the side, and away from most wondering eyes, with feet crossed tenderly before her. ....

Rhythmic streams flow from the mouthpiece of a trumpet carving paths amidst the hum of a Saturday afternoon.  

A musician strolls confidently through the crowd. A birthday song for one, a marching tune for another.  A small cup sits openly in his hand. Will you give? A talent like this cannot go unrewarded. Please.

The woman now sits in the park bench in front of me. Something drew her in, quietly pulling her from side to center. What must she see in this place?

Her eyes are turned down. An empty gaze fixes on the pavement before her. What moves behind those hollow eyes?

Hands loosely grip the small juice carton resting in her lap.

Fingers tap one, two, three times along the carton’s edge; taps too light for ears to hear, but loud enough to speak of unrest. What must she feel in this place?

The woman’s left hand moves gingerly up towards her face. A marriage vow to reveals itself. Fingers unite to adjust the scarf slipping below her chin unannounced. Up again her eyes wander, and lock on something in the distance. For just one moment she seems to lose herself in thought. What must she think of in this place?

Movement. The woman finds herself again.  Legs exchange short strides as an instrument is lowered and the musician takes his leave. Worn trumpet in hand, he makes his way from the crowd and towards the park benches, towards the woman. Eyes lock.

            Coins jingle in chorus with the casual procession of the musician’s feet.

The woman raises her head to fully meet the musician’s gaze.

I raise my head to fully meet this moment. My curiosity grows as the distance between them shrinks.

Shiny round faces catch the light of the setting sun as coins move from the hand of one to the hand of another. From the pocket to the purse. From the musician to the woman. A brief exchange, with minimal words passes between the two. Opening his backpack, in and away goes the trumpet. Standing with the musician, up and away goes the woman.

A marriage vow reveals itself.

* This came from what I was seeing and hearing around me as I journaled outside our building in Amsterdam. I had noticied this woman sitting alone and a street musican entertaining the people who were eating at the street cafe on the corner. But I had no idea there was a connection with the two until the end when he gave her his earnings and they walked off together. I had started writing about each one seperately then came to find our they were associated with each other in the end . It was a very exciting and encouraging surprise for me, and my pen, and made me wonder how many other things around me are often associated, but I never pay attention long enough to see it.  :) 

Why Amsterdam

Eli, Hales and I, live (at the time) from Amsterdam! Three things you should know about Amsterdam and a bit of an explanation on why we chose to spend the month of May together in this city. :)





**  props to Andrew York for filming this for us :)

Longing Heart : Amsterdam wk 1

All my soul is pleading for.

It's been three days since we first set foot in Amsterdam, and our bodies are still associating too closely for my liking with jet lag. I remember hearing somewhere that you should expect one day for every hour of difference in time before you may, or may not, pass over the mountain that is irregular sleep. So for us that means seven days... Almost there.

Each day we've chosen a destination and ventured out into the city. Day one took us to a cafe started by YWAM years back, day two the kitchen we'll use should we get ambitious beyond the realms of microwave or toaster oven. And today, day three, led us towards The Tabernacle, YWAM Amsterdam's prayer room quietly nestled a street over from the heart of the Red Light District.

We had plans to meet a friend of Eli's, who lives above the prayer room, for dinner and left early enough to give us plenty of time. We anticipated it would be a good little walk from where we were staying, but we didn't anticipate getting lost and ending up in right in the middle of the Red Light district. My eyes have never become as accustomed with the ground as they did today. It's interesting, no matter what you hear, nothing can prepare you for what you see. I find it hard to know how to respond to an experience like today. It seemed strangely easy to disconnect myself.

 Amidst the weight of shock, confusion, and brokenness there is an surrealism that surrounds the fact that this is "life" for so many people. Whether it be women advertising themselves in the windows or the a running the Marijuana store around the corner. This is normal. This is "another day at the office." This is life.

In between figuring out where we needed to go, and trying to keep my eyes directed away from as much as possible, I remember reaching into my purse to check my phone for the time. As I pulled it from my bag music was softly playing. Some time along the way, although it was locked, shuffle had begun and random songs were coming together to make a playlist of their own. I pushed pause, made a mental note of what song it had last been on (wanting to go back later and listen to it,) curious as whether it would apply somehow to that moment in the Red Light District. Then I gingerly tucked it away in the side pocket where it had been before.

After over an hour and a half of hunting we found our destination and spent the next few hours eating homemade Thai food, Dutch sweets and learning to play Dutch blitz. Cultures seemed to came together well tonight.

After spending most of the evening with Eli's friend we made our way back to the base in about a fourth of the time it took us to get there. Rain had just started tapping its presence against our window as walked up four flights of stairs and finally to our room. When I pulled out my phone I was reminded of the song, still on hold, from when we'd made our way out of one of that well-known sinister area of Amsterdam. The song was one I don't think I've ever listened too, even thoughI own it... Jeremy Camp's "Longing Heart" from his Carried Me worship album.

“What can separate us
From the love of Jesus Christ
Nothing this world can even change
The thought I once was lost
But now been given grace
It's a mystery that I will not chase

                                          you, you, you, all this heart is longing for
                                           Jesus, you are all my soul is pleading for

                                                                                       What can separate us
                                                                                       From the love of Jesus Christ
                                                                      Nothing in this world can even change
                                                                                       The thought I once was lost
                                                                                        But now been given grace
                                                                                        It's a mystery I will not chase

                                             I don't understand it
                                      How you love the way you do
                      Even when I've fallen
                                                   You always lift me up to you.”

As I listen to these lyrics I wonder if any of the people I passed tonight ever imagined life bringing them to this place. I wonder how many dreams were lost here, how many lives stolen, hopes dashed, and hearts deceived. But, I also am left wondering at the amazing Love of God. I wonder at the way He sees each person who works in or passes through the Red Light Disctrict just as He sees me. I wonder at how His love runs as deep for them as it does for me, and nothing can hide or separate them from that love. Oh, that one day they would know that love. His Love.

                              And oh, that one day I could learn to carry that Love. To carry His Love.

Redding, CA. Baptism

Bethel Church. A wild and crazy, joy-filled place, completely off my radar until last June that is, when I came on staff with Youth with a Mission (YWAM). This was the second to last stop on our road trip across the US. Many people I’ve met over the last year in Kona have either read book by or listen to podcasts from Kris Vallotton and Bill Johnson (pastors at Bethel), been through their internship or classes, or attended a weekend service. So, it is safe to say that even though it was fairly “new” in my world a lot had been built up about it. There were tales of miraculous healings and outbursts of joyous laughter than lasted for extended periods of time. When it came down to it, none of us knew what would be waiting for us when we got there, and baptisms were perhaps one of the last things I was expecting.

I was baptized as an infant by my grandfather LeRoy, a Lutheran Pastor whose parents emigrated from Norway when he was a small child. I had friends who were baptized in their “later” years, but beyond these two instances I, myself, had not put much thought into baptism really at all. It wasn’t that I was against either in any way. I supposed I just didn’t understand baptism well enough to create much of an opinion. More recently I’ve had friends share about it being a “public declaration” of faith and commitment to Jesus. Which is a very cool thing, but when Jesus is baptized in Matthew 3 He doesn’t any sort of declaration. Rather, when John questions why he came to him to be baptized, rather than the other way around, Jesus responds with, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness” (v. 15b). So that makes me wonder if there is more to baptism than “salvation” or “declarations of faith.” Another interesting thing about Jesus’ baptism is once he comes up out of the water “heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lightning upon him” (v. 16b). Notice how it says “like and dove” and not “as a dove.” Interesting. For some reason I always pictured a dove landing on his shoulder... probably attributed to the Flying House or Super Book cartoons I watched growing up.... How amazing that Jesus talks about righteousness before he is baptized and after He is baptized he sees HEAVEN OPEN UP! WHAT!? “Um yes, I would like to be baptized please, thank you.” Yes, I definitely think there is more to being baptized that we can even know.

A few days before we arrived in Redding I mentioned something to my friend Andrew about baptism and how I since being an adult had not, but was starting to feel like maybe I should... We got into Redding on a Friday, and went to one of the services at Bethel that following evening. And wouldn’t you know it, before the service an announcement about baptisms flashed across the screen. As we walked back to our van after the service Andrew asked if I wanted to do it, and I suddenly felt all nervous about saying yes, but said yes anyway. So, it was with that same apprehension and nervousness that I stepped into a large empty chair lined room a few minutes before 5 pm on Sunday, April 10th, our last night in Redding. One of Bethel’s requirements for baptisms is an hour long informational class to help educate people more the act and meaning behind it. I sat down off to the side and slowly others began trickling in with a change of clothes in one arm and a towel in the other. It was reassuring to know I wasn’t alone. Surprisingly, the nervousness didn’t leave as the people came, perhaps because I didn’t know anyone of them. But, as I think back it was actually was a good thing, a humbling thing. I realized it’s good every now and then to feel like the “new guy” and a little unsure of yourself. I think it helps our ability to relate to others when they step into that place and we’ve stepped out of it. The class was good, helpful and freeing, and no one told me they were “worried about my salvation because I had not been baptized” (insert scene from Nacho Libre here). Publicly declaring your membership in the Kingdom of heaven, symbolically dying to death (the old life) and rising to life (new life), in Christ were a couple of the reasons they shared behind importance of baptism along with receiving the Holy Spirit. They sent around a baptism signup sheet and we all lined up along the stairs leading to the stage in the sanctuary. The sanctuary. A room filled with over 500 people. I new 6 of them. Intimidated would be an minor understatement.
As I stood on the top of the stairs, waiting to set foot on the stage before a sea of unknown faces, I remembered my heavenly Father. I remembered who I stand before first and foremost, my God and only my God. Then I got all excited, which may have been partially attributed to the thumping Rocky style music being played by the band, and stepped up with joy, excited to be the first baptized before this crowd of witnesses.

I stepped onto the stage and into the baptismal hot tub :), kneeled down and left the old behind to take on the new ahead. Coming out of the water was the most amazing feeling. Every part of me felt relaxed, and I had the most overwhelming sense of peace surround me. As I came out of the water my ears met the sounds of hundreds of fellow believers clapping and cheering me on. Regardless of all my initial nervousness I woudn’t have had it any other way.

Bethel was the last church we visited on our US road trip and I feel so blessed to have been able to share this piece of my life with this place.

Kansas City, MO. Practicing Perseverance

I was flipping through a note book of mine the other day and came across two pages scribbled with purple ink I written late one night in Kansas City, Missouri. I'd forgotten about them until now. I do have a journal that I am trying to be more faithful in using, but for whatever reason a couple sheets of college ruled paper seemed to suit me better this night. We spent four nights in KC, three of which I felt led to spend in the IHOP prayer room. For three nights I laid down something very dear to me, my sleep, and picked up something very dear to the Lord, spending intentional time in His presence. I've been wanting to develop in the area of perseverance and this was a great way for me to start. Here are some of my thoughts from night two.

Practicing Perseverance

“It is by the grace of God that I got through this last hour. 3:06 am on what is now Thursday, March 10th. This is the second night, of what I feel will be three nights, in the prayer room at IHOP Kansas City. Last night Haley and I were in here from 8:45 pm to 5 am. It started as somewhat of a joke, “We should just go to the prayer room and stay there all night!” [We had a meeting with a man, Bob Hartley, the following morning at 6:45 am, which is pretty early, and decided we should just pull an all nighter than go...].

I had planned to sleep in the afternoon to prepare for night two. Unfortunately, for a few different reasons, that didn’t go quite as expected. A 45 minute nap was all I managed to get in before more meetings and round two. It wasn’t until 10:45 pm that I got in here. But oh man was I feeling it by 1 am. “There is no way I can make it to 5 am.” Somehow, between a few bathroom runs, an outing outside in 35 degree weather, and eating an apple in an attempt to shake the sleepiness off of me, I made it to 2 am. Truth be known I dozed off a few times along the way... Not sure what that looked like, but hopefully I managed to keep my saliva in this time as opposed to other times when I apparently felt the need to share it with the rest of the world around me.

After waking up for the 5th or 6th time I was feeling pretty defeated and convinced I could not make it through the next two hours. “Just go back, get a couple of extra sleep and go at it again tomorrow night.” As I continued to wrestle with what to do I heard to word “perseverance” leave the lips of one of the singers, followed closely by “Grace to follow through... when I set my heart to obey, meet me with grace” and “helper, help me.” Haha, at first I thought “helper” was “help her” and then I was really about to explode. It may not have been “help her” but it did help me.

The time is now 4:21 and I am reminded of God’s extravagant love and the worthiness of the lamb that was slain. After this, I am beginning to believe more and more that if God calls you to do something He will give you the grace to do it. It may not be easy, but He will make a way. He is a gentle helper who cares more about my cause than I do.”

Those three days were pretty amazing, and tiring ;) But so good. If you’re unfamiliar with IHOP or their 24/7 prayer room (IHOP = International House of Prayer, not pancakes;) you can check out their online live stream that runs all day every day at: (http://www.ihop.org/Articles/1000058181/The_Prayer_Room.aspx ).

*** Also, if you want to hear more about this week in Kansas City you can follow this link have a listen to me share more about it. It was definitely a highlight week for me with too much to fit into one blog. The video’s a little long but it’s a cool way for me to literally tell you about what God did that week. So, for whoever’s interested here’s the link :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVFhxY8pZ_c If you watch it, thanks :) if you don’t, hey, it's ok! :)

Winston-Salem, NC. Redefining Father

“What do you see happening in the church over the next five years?” is a question Andrew, our friend and leader, often leads out with during the meetings on this trip. So, when he presented it to Matt Peterson back on that fateful day in February of 2011 it wasn’t the question, but the response which followed that struck me. And by struck I mean stuck. And by stuck I mean stick. And by stick I mean it’s been over a month and I’m still “chewing” on it. Awww yeeeas.

Our crew sat outside Krankies Coffee in Winsten-Salem, NC with Matt Peterson while cars, trains and mohawks (yes mohawks-see photo---), passed by around us. Matt, an ex-CIA agent, director of ZAO Water, pastor of Awake Church (http://awakews.org/media.php?pageID=28), and good friend of the Helsers, who arranged this hangout for us, has witnessed some pretty amazing things. A few years ago, while in Africa working on a water project, an ornery old man walked right up to him and began speaking slurs of all sorts in a dialect far from anything English. Matt, through a translator, confronted him with the reality that he was old and would die, soon, “so do you want to change?” With a chuckle as he thought back to that moment he said, “that was something I had never done, and don’t recommend it,” referring to the bluntness of his comments. The man, an African witchdoctor of high authority in that region, which Matt didn’t know until a little later, led him to his home then proceeded, under Matt’s guidance, to throw out all of the items he used for spells, along with the tokens of his power buried deep within pocket of his pants.

Within 30 minutes of their first meeting this man became a follower of Christ and was baptized. What?! After coming into this man’s home and willingly throwing everything evil out, he told Matt the same dream had swallowed his nights every since he was about 15, so around 40-50 years! In the dream he saw Matt taking hold of his head and dunking him under water. That picture penetrated the dream world into the real world as this witchdoctor received Christ and was baptized. Powerful. This story is a pretty clear testament to God going before us to prepare the way... Oh boy, now I’ve gotten off track... But that story is too incredible to share. Back to the original questions, “What do you see happening in the church over the next five years?” and his response.

The response Matt gave was not really what I was expecting. “I believe the definition of ‘who God the Father is’ is changing.” Then he went into the well known parable of the Lost Son (Prodigal Son), and shared a simple observation I, and many others I’m sure, up to that point had failed to ever notice. “The prodigal son did not know his father.” Wait... what? ............ Oh... WHOA. About half way through the parable the son is at the end of his ropes. He squandered his time and money, and reached unimaginable levels of shame. The son prepares an apology to bring back to his father, since by this point it’s the only thing he has to offer, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men” (Lk 15:18b,19), then sets off on his way back to his father’s house. In the son’s mind this was the best possible scenario he could imagine! To become a servant in his father’s home.... That was the absolute BEST possible scenario! A servant!

With his repentance speech in tongue the son makes his way back to his father’s home. The passage says, “But while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (v. 20b) Ok so, firstly, the father sees his returning son and is filled with COMPASSION for him. Secondly, he RUNS to him. And thirdly, he THROWS his ARMS AROUND him and KISSES him. Matt candidly pointed out that the son, after having been sent to the fields to work with pigs, for who knows how long, probably smelled anything but fresh. Yet, the father unabashedly embraces AND kisses him. And if that weren’t enough, before the son can even make it through his repentance speech the father calls the servants to bring out the best robe, place a ring on the son’s finger and sandals on his feet, and to kill the fattened cow. “Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. So they began to celebrate” (v.22b-24). Feast and celebrate! How often do we wallow in self pity and shame before our Heavenly Father, resisting facing Him, thinking He will never, can’t ever, receive us as sons or daughters again? And there He is in the distance watching, waiting for the silhouette of the weary and humiliated surface over the horizon so He can run to us, embrace us, kiss us, welcome us, spoil us, celebrate us. Matt’s main point through all of this was that even though he had grown up in his house, the son did not truly know the father. If he had, he would have known the father to receive him as he was, filthy, warn out, dreams shattered, but still his son. This being said it’s pretty key that this parable is told by Jesus, one who has not only come from the father but is our way to know the father (John 14:9b-10). God is not, nor will he ever be, disappointed in us.

I grew up in an amazing home, and am blessed with really really solid parents. Truly incredible. But, I feel as if at some point, I don’t know when, I hardened my heart a bit. It wasn’t that I rejected God. I seemed to just turn myself off to a lot of things, many emotions being one of them, and became more guarded. So, after hearing Matt share his insight into this story, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been living in the father’s house all my life, but without truly knowing the father. I’ve known him with my mind and not my heart.

This trip has helped me towards that realization, thanks to Matt. I am learning there is so much more to Him than I even know, and there are places I can go to with him that I’ve never dreamt of. I know in addition to what He’s shown me already, there is much more He wants to reveal to me about who He really is, and He longs to bring me into a place of deeper knowledge of Him, not just as God, but as Father. I’m ready.

Sophia, NC. A Place for the Heart

After a few wrong turns, a couple correcting u-turns, and plenty of laughter we made our way up the long moonlit driveway of the Helser family. It’s hard to get a good lay of the land in the dark, but from what little I can see it looks like an amazing place. Our home for the night rests on 52 acres of land in the country side of Sophia, NC. We had planned to meet with a man named Jonathan Helser, who spent some time at our base in Kona this last year speaking and leading worship, but had the privilege of getting some time with his father, Ken, first. Let me back up a bit and explain. Amy Sollars, one of the leaders of the Fire & Fragrance School at our base in Kona gave us a bundle of envelopes each of which had a date to be opened and a mystery “task” for us to do. The first two were to find the Paul Revere statue in Boston, meet with a man named Jamey Galloway, and third, get time with Jonathan’s father, Ken Helser. I don’t know much about Jonathan, which means I knew even less about his father, if that is even possible. Regardless, what I came away with tonight was even greater than I could have imagined.


We rolled in about 20 minutes late, but were greeted warmly and led into the Helser’s elegant dining room where we sipped on tea, ate fresh coconut cream pie (a first for me), and listened closely to Ken share his past, present and future heart with us. Many things he said were so simple, but profound at the same time. More than once did the purity and depth of his heart radiate so strongly that I was moved near to tears. I have never met a man like him.



It never ceases to amaze me how God lines things up for us. On our way here today we listened to a Kris Vallotton podcast, my first, about writing your destiny and living life in a way that sets things up for those to come after us. Life should not be only about what I get to be a part of and do, but how me doing those things sets the stage for the next generation, allowing them to go even further. That, my friends, is a powerful thought. It’s hard enough for me to think about the next five years of my life, nonetheless the next 70.



These are a few of the powerful word "nuggets" Ken shared with us:

"I want to plant seeds that create orchards. So that, like in leapfrog, I can bend down allowing you to go over and further than me."

"God has never been disappointed in you. He is not surprised by our failures. He has covered them already. All of them."

"Most people have a relationsip with the Bible, not the Author. We like to be proud of our knowledge, not knowing the Author behind it."

"Tonight you have an invitation into the best seminary there is, but it will cost you everything. The seminary of life. Your professor, the Holy Spirit. Your library, 66 books. Your labratory, life. The world is your classroom... the greatest prayer you can pray is 'You get to me, God. Don't let me hide from you."

"If you wait to get what you 'need' to do ministry, you'll never do ministry."

One of the most impacting things about Ken Helser was how his life was a living example of what he spoke about. He doesn't just impress into you the importance of community, the value of family and why we need to prepare the way for the next wave of believers. He models it.

Two of Ken's children live in homes not down the road from him, but down the driveway from him, and work alongside him in a ministry called "A Place for the Heart." If you are unfamiliar with it, like I was, I encourage you to check it out their website - http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/. The more I heard the more I felt like this was a place I could stay forever. I think now would be a great time to figure out how to be in two places at one time...

Pennsylvania.

It’s just past 10 pm in Lancaster, Pennsylvania and I’m looking back at the last few days in amazement. Today will be one week since our group of 6 met up and we’ve traveled through seven states already. God is so cool. I remember having a conversation with my dad shortly after graduating from high school about what my ideal job would be, and muttering something about being a “floater.” That it would be amazing to just follow God wherever he led and fill whatever roles or needs came about through that. I didn’t see myself being nailed down to anyone one particular place or thing, and my “schedule” would be one that allowed me to up and go whenever I felt that nudge from the Lord. However, at the time it didn’t seem like a “job” that existed beyond my imagination.

And now here I am, 8 years later, floating across the US with 5 dear like-hearted friends, seeking the Lord together with them daily, and gaining in wisdom and perspective beyond my comprehension. We’ve only met with a few people so far, but already my mind is bursting with new revelations of what it means to live a life of fullness in the Lord and how our lives can be used to impact this world for the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoa.

We spent today in Harrisburg, PA, about 50 minutes from where we’re staying here in Lancaster, and shared hearts and visions with some fellow YWAMers. A few members from our Kona base are there pioneering a new base and are 6 months into their first Fire and Fragrance DTS (http://fireandfragrance.com/). They are an amazing group of world changers and fueled by the desire to see God reclaim his rightful place as Lord in the hearts of people all over the world. After joining in on their morning lecture our crew went for coffee with Sammy and Jeremy, two powerhouses that are on staff in Harrisburg. In this time we gained insight into what it’s like to “pioneer” something, and how we can shape our lives around the dreams God gives us. They were a huge encouraged in the midst of being overwhelming in regard to how far the Lord has brought them, and how much wisdom they have gained in the process. Here are some nuggets of wisdom they shared with us:

1. Don’t feel the pressure of needing to get beyond what God’s shown you now. Walk out the current day commissioning from him until he reveals the bigger one.

2. Be (and remain) teachable

3. Cultivating a supernatural environment can come from positive attitudes and testimony. You need to believe that God is who he says he is and that he is fully capable of doing anything, and everything, he says he can. Then in faith step out in that.

4. Put more energy into your pursuit of God, vision of growing deeper in knowledge of him, then put energy/depth/passion into pursuing the vision he gives you.

5. It is harder to stay in love than it is to follow the rules. Fight for love and stay lovesick for him. Live a life of love for God.

6. Keep the humility in pursuing him. John 15- He is the vine and without him we can do NOTHING

There is so much more to say, and I could go on for days... but it’s getting late and we have a long day ahead of us so I’ll end it here for now... :)

New Jersey.

New Jersey has received us with a safe trip and plenty of food. We arrived a few hours later than estimated and missed the entire super bowl, but I was ok with that. When we arrived around 11 pm we were welcomed into a home bursting with life as we dodged the children excitedly running around. The house bursting with hospitality and they happily greeted us, then guided us to a table then placed plates full of food in front of us. It was like being back in the Middle East again. We were swept in with swarm of introductions and then personally escorted by one of our contacts, Ali, to the homes we’d be staying in about 20 minutes away from where we’d just had dinner. Ali lives an hour from where our team was staying and could have easily just given us the address, but we chose to take us there himself.

We three girls stayed at the home of a Puerto Rican couple, Jamie and Nancy. They were asleep by the time we arrived, but we were able to meet Jamie in the morning. We were only there for two nights, but each morning they had breakfast set out for us, and Nancy went out at 5:30 am the morning before we left to bring back bagels for our team before we hit the road. We are just being blessed by people left and right. God is so good. A small Korean church we attended the day we left Boston took an offering for us the day we left and sent us on our way with $130 in cash, the exact amount we ended up needing the next day to fix our van (turns out the sway bar wasn’t attached to the steering or something really dangerous like that. Thank you Lord for your protection :)...). The following night our new Jersey friends from the Resting Place House of Prayer (RPHOP- www.restingplacehop.com/ ) took a Love offering for us which we were able use that for housing and to bless our hosts in Pennsylvania. God is faithful and trustworthy.

One of the highlights of our time in New Jersey, besides experiencing such supernatural hospitality, was being part of RPHOP’s prayer night. It was a time of worshiping God through prayer, singing and ministering to those in need. I was able to pray for a woman who struggled with rejection and anxiety. I watched the way God brought healing and peace to her as the tears came and her countenance changed during our prayer.

The craziest part about this night was the spontaneous joining of YWAMers. One of the teams from our Kona base that is halfway through their outreach in NYC was there, in addition to two of the staff from the Harrisburg base, and two other staff from our Kona base. We had no idea any of us would be there, but God did. It was a night of bringing family together and I loved every minute of it. New Jersey has formed a new place in my heart and I hope someday I get to pass through there again.

**Our crew enjoying Starbucks with the gift cards one of Elizabeth's supporters gave us :)

Boston + Cambridge, MA.

The first leg of our Awaken U.S. trip brought us to Boston, MA. I love the Red Sox and I love this city. Three years ago I passed through for a few days before continuing my East Coast exploration and hunt for literary museums and writers homes. I toured a snow covered Fenway park, spent a good chunk of my day at Boston’s beautiful public library, and discovered the city on trains and metros. So, having been here before I knew there would be a certain sense of familiarity, especially as we headed towards Harvard University our first day, a campus I had walked through on my hunt for the home of Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

However, it didn’t take me long to realize two HUGE differences that would set this trip to Boston apart from my last one. The first difference is community. This time I was not on my own. This time I walked the city’s streets with 5 others who, after only a few months of knowing each other, have become some of my closest friends. The second is the focus. When I came before it was a very self focused. I went where I wanted and did what was on my heart to do, using only a list of addresses and writer’s names to guide me. This time I was following the heart of God. Prayer and His Holy Spirit becoming my guides. Talk about getting a new perspective.

Our housing was a 15 minute walk from the Harvard campus at the Justice House of Prayer (http://jhopboston.com/). The group there instantly welcomed us into their home, hearts and community. For three days we lived together, ate together, laughed together and prayed together. It was a powerful testimony of the body of Christ, different members with different functions but all working together as one.

The second morning we were there we met up with Eunice Lee, a girl who had done her DTS in Kona a couple of years ago. Eunice is a junior year at Harvard and has taken it upon herself to bring a lifestyle of prayer and continual pursuit of the Lord to this place, meeting each morning to pray in a church on campus with whoever will join her. Although the group maybe small in numbers, varying from 4-10 people, I got the feeling that what they are a part of is bigger than they even realize. There is power in prayer, and as one who claims to follow Christ I began to feel the conviction of a life lacking in that area.

The day we were to leave Boston and head to New Jersey our dear van, lovingly named “Wallace the Tabernacle,” began to make sounds that even I, being ignorant in car-speak, knew were anything but normal. We decided to ask the Lord whether to stay and get it fixed, therefore cancelling the New Jersey part of our trip, or to go for it, trusting that if He wanted us to get there He’d get us there regardless of the noises coming from our van. After a few minutes we felt the go ahead and on a rainy February night we set off for the four hour drive to Jersey.

Be Thou My Vision.

With a trip like this it’s easy to feel the need to work out all the details, or to do one’s best to finalize a schedule of what it will all look like. I’ll be honest, as much as I claim to be “spontaneous” I also like a certain amount of organization. I like to know what type of clothes to bring, about how much money I will need and how many books I can squeeze in my suitcase before it outweighs me. People like to “know.” I like to “know.” But with God the thing is that you can never really “know.” All you can do is to put your trust in him fully, discern where you feel him leading, then step out in obedience and “go.” I can believe what it says in Matthew 6:25-34, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear” (v. 25), but it is another thing entirely to live by it.

I’m not quite there yet, I wish I could say I was. But hopefully as I study the Word more, and commit passages like that one in Matthew to heart, it will become more of a lifestyle, not just verbiage in of my Christian dialect.

I also hope this is one of the things I come away from this trip with, along with a deeper knowledge and trust in the greatness of God, and a deeper relationship with him as I encounter him in my life and through the people we come to know along the way.

We have a basic itinerary of where we plan to go, “plan” being used very loosely here, and somewhat of a time frame in mind, but ultimately these next two months are up to the Lord as we leave our schedule sensitive and open to his leading. Our vision is to take on his vision. Our “plan” to follow his plan. This is his trip more than it is any of ours, and each day that revelation becomes more real I become more excited that he’s chosen to take me along for the ride.

AWAKEN Riders

6 people from 5 different states and a purple Dodge conversion van from New Hampshire, this is my new family. Two months of travel with an estimated coverage of 4300 in the next three weeks alone, this is of our faith based adventure. The radical pursuit of the Lord in our team’s community, in our interaction with others along the way and in gaining perspective on how and where God is moving, that is our vision.

http://www.awakennations.com/

Click on the link above and check out our team blog where you can follow us and get updates about where we are and what we’re up to as we share our journey and how we are being encountered by the Father.

Come Away

It’s our first morning back together in Kona as a whole school, and there are about 70 of us squeezing together along the side of the Banyan tree cafe on campus. The base is packed out and overflowing this term and this is one of the only places available, and spacious enough to fit us. It’s just past nine in the morning, but the Hawaiian sun is already beginning to rise in all its glorious heat. A gentle breeze carries through the air around us, and the tender strums of the acoustic guitar up front float up to greet it.

“Come away with me. Come away with me. It's never too late, it's not too late. It's not too late for you... I have a plan for you. I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be full of me....”

In this moment I am swept away. My mind carries me back to China and like the trailer of a movie being played before me are all the challenges and victories, the relationships and the divine encounters God blessed us with. I am reminded not only of how good he was to us, but how he allowed, and continues to allow, us to “come away” with him. To be a part of what he is doing. We just need to open up our heart and let him in.

I am also reminded of how often we can come back from an experience overseas and feel as if we haven’t done enough, like we’ve failed or let God down, and like he’s disappointed in us. But his love is so deep and fathomless that the last thing he wants us to be is distant from him. I love the promise of the lyrics, “It’s never too late.... I have a plan for you. It’s gonna be wild. It’s gonna be great. It’s gonna be full of me.” I want that.


I was mesmerized by the lyrics of this song and hope it blesses you like it did me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZoOfGiqZ7Y

A Conversation~ October 3rd

It’s about two in the afternoon on a beautifully grey rainy Sunday and I am walking down the wet streets of Dalian, China. On one side of me is a Chinese woman I met at a gathering last Thursday, and on the other side is a friend she introduced me to at lunch this afternoon. Neither of these two can possibly weigh more than one hundred pounds or be much over five feet tall. Then there’s me, a Midwesterner oozing Scandinavian blood, towering at five feet nine inches and sporting the Kelly green rain coat I picked up from a Savers thrift store sometime last year. It is safe to say I stand out. But, interestingly enough it isn’t this contrast in appearances setting this time apart, but rather the conversation.

As we walk towards Xinghai Park, a notable tourist hot spot in this city, they are casually sharing about their spiritual backgrounds. Both of these women are Christians, their parent’s believers before them, meaning they grew up under Christian influence. I didn’t even know that was a possibility, which sounds extremely naive and I am aware of that. What would life look like growing up Christian in an openly Communist nation? I can’t even begin to imagine it. I am ashamed to admit I don’t know much about Chinese history, or the details about the progression of Christianity, but I do know it has not been, and still isn’t really, the most welcomed religious practice. The blood of martyrs marks the land of this nation in ways I will never be able to fully comprehend, and the impact of sacrifices made by those who came before me will carry on long after I leave. It is so far from my own American experience.

It’s a bit difficult to explain, but tonight I carry a special sense of privilege. Just one week ago my team and I set foot in China and I keep thinking, “God what are you doing? Who are we to come here so effortlessly, and yet be able to experience the fruits of those who gave their lives for these people? So many turned in their ‘normal’ lives and took on the vision of advancing the Kingdom, but never got to see the depth of impact they made. But here I am a person who, three months ago, didn’t have China on the radar, or want to put it on the radar, listening to people share about their personal journey to meeting Jesus.”

It’s been a few hours since I parted ways from those two ladies and squeezed into an extremely crowded bus, waving goodbye with one hand and maintaining a death grip on the roasted sweet potato they bought me off the street with the other. I still can’t fully comprehend, or believe, the richness of what I experienced today. Who would have ever thought that I would be in China walking in public with two Chinese believers as they talk freely and openly about their faith? Definitely not me....